2013

it's taken me a week to figure out what my new year's resolutions are.. 

i have obviously been giving it a lot of thought.  

the following are the way i want to live my 2013:

i thought this was a perfect way to look at the start of a new year... be grateful.

i truly have everything that i really want.. an amazing husband, wonderful children, a super great support system of friends and family, my health and a roof over my head.  

i never thought i would be 25 and living the life i dreamed of.  now i just need to remember to stop anxiously waiting for the next stage of life and relax and enjoy the one i am in now. 

with having children, this one is a given! we may not have money to go out and have all the most fancy  things (heck, we don't have money to have common things right now), but that frees up time for some other wonderful things... snuggling up on the couch as a family to read books, sunday morning breakfasts, kisses and cuddles and building forts in the living room.

in 2012 i had the mindset 'what can i do, i am just one person' but i have come to realize that the most amazing, world changing, people were just that... one person.  chances are i won't change the world (i'm still realistic in 2013), but i can change the way i treat myself, my family and those around me for the better.  and i guess, you never know, that may start a ripple effect! 

i want to live my life deliberately, but i would be happy if i just was a deliberate parent.  i don't want to just float through life on autopilot, and i really don't want my kids to in their future, so i want to take this year to really sit down and think about what i think is important for my family.  i'm changing as a parent everyday, learning more and more about myself and my kids, and that isn't something i could have done if i just sat back and 'watched' them grow up.   i needed to actually get into the thick of it and make some choices, even if it meant going back on what i thought was right (see previous post for donna bell's quote).  i want to continue to grow and make calculated decisions that will be best for myself and my family.

i really need to start finishing what i start (wow, that was a mouthful).  my goal for this year is to deliberately choose (eh.. you see that, i'm already living deliberately. haha) what i am going to invest my time and talent in.  yes, i am a stay-at-home-mom.. i have all the time in the world, right?  i hope to complete more things that i start, and i know the only way i can do that is by not stretching myself so thin.  i often get asked to volunteer for things or do things for others (both of which i LOVE doing), but i really need to start thinking about myself and what is the best for me and my family before i begin making commitments.

i know this is silly, but it's oh-so-true!

i personally love getting things in the mail (don't deny it, as long as it's not a bill, you do too) and i love that i have the power to brighten someone's day by doing something so simple (and cheap).

i must begin to be more patient... heck, if i'm telling my three year old that he needs to practice it, i probably should too, right?  this kind of goes with my original goal outlook on life for 2013 'don't spoil what you have by desiring what you have not' but the waiting is especially difficult for me.  i am a planner.  i like to know what we're doing tomorrow, next week, and next month (who am i kidding... i am already thinking of our plans for parker and spencer's birthdays, which are in may).  right now we are in the middle of house hunting.  need i say more?  haha.. i just need to remind myself that as long as i do what i can get done, well.. that's all i can do.  it's hard and annoying and i feel like a total child who has completely no control over some situations, but maybe i should just take that as a gift that is is one less thing that i have to worry about.  ben has never stopped doing what is best for our family, so i will just trust that he will get us our perfect home (ahem.. 'soon'... right, sweetheart? haha).

be positive. period.

enjoy your manic monday!

Ringing in the New Year Right

it sort of just hit me that another year has come and gone... it doesn't help that i have just spent the last two hours looking over old pictures of the boys, teary eyed, wondering where in the world did my babies go?  yes, i know they're still babies, but they are turning into such boys lately that i don't know how i am going to handle it when we're all said and done with 'babies'.

this past year has been a pretty rocky one for the kelley family... with ben working out of town and a new baby, this momma could use a coffee (wait, i gave up caffeine.. maybe just a nap then). on the flip side, however, this past year has shown me how much i have to give.  

these boys are. my. life.  

i live, eat and breathe for them 

(as i'm sure any parent does for their child)

some days i feel like i am utterly failing and then i hear simple words, like:

'momma, i love you so much' 

'my favorite part of today was playing with my best friends; you (as in me, mom), preston and spencer'

or when i peek in on the boys playing together and their imaginations are millions of miles away and my knights in shining armor are working together to defend their precious castle (thanks auntie shelly) from the dragon (or the ogre, sea monster, giant...) and you can hear in the their voices how much they truly love each other 

(and even with their wrestling matches, that often go too far, they still commonly sit back to back {just barely touching} in the playroom while they each read books)

those are the moments that i know i have done something right.

i don't know what it is, but it must be something.

a favorite quote of mine is one from donna bell:

'motherhood is a choice you make everyday to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing, even when you're not sure what the right thing is... and forgive yourself over and over again for doing everything wrong.'

it just screams out to me because even on the bad days (and honestly there are more of those than i'd like) i can see the goodness in my boys. 

we have done a lot of growing this past year and i am so happy that i am open with my kids about how i feel, what i expect from them and what type of mom i want to be.  i am happy that my kids aren't afraid to tell me how my actions or words are affecting them... 

parker: 'mom, do you know i am not listening to you and i am making this angry face?'

me: 'i might have an idea, but will you tell me?'

parker: 'i am just really upset with you because you said we were going to paint today and now we're going to bed and i didn't get to paint today. that really hurt my feelings that you said we would and so i am mad at you.'

(yes, that is an actual conversation i have had with my three year old)

first of all, nothing puts a parent in their place like their child telling them that they hurt their feelings... talk about ouch. secondly, you have no idea of proud i am of him for being able to express that to me.  if he wasn't able to process those feelings and then be able to tell that to me i can tell you how that scenario could have played out:

me: 'ok, let's go get ready for bed.'

parker (whining): 'nooo....'

me: 'it's time for bed, we need to get upstairs.'

parker (this time screaming) 'nooooo... i don't want to!'

me: 'you better listen to me and get upstairs.  it is late and i don't have the patience for this.'

{enter yelling, crying, threats... and you can imagine how that may go}

*** disclaimer, i am not a perfect parent. i do not always give my children the patience and respect that they deserve... i do snap and i do yell. i said it's been a year of growing, i didn't say i'm fully grown ;) ***

what i guess i am trying to get at here is that i am proud of my kids and i am proud of myself.  like i said, it's been a blur of a year and i feel lucky that i made it out alive, but that's just it.. i am still standing and with this new year, with so many new opportunities, i feel more ready than ever to lead this family on more great adventures.

here is wishing all of you an amazing 2013

Welcome Back, sorta...

ok.. where do i begin?  it's been way too long since i have been on here, but i kind of take that as a good thing.  however, today.. well, today i just need to vent.  i'm not even sure if i will post this, so if someone ever ends up reading this.  well, good for you :/

a lot has changed since i posted last.  where do i begin?  had a baby.  ok, well i guess that is really all that has changed.

things have been turned completely upside down in our house.  this is pretty much a personal/small blog here, so most of you know (by my never ending complaining) that my husband works out of town.  yes, i know i could have it totally worse.. not have a husband, have a husband that is gone even more than the one i already have.  whatever. it sucks and i have earned the right to complain about it.

with having a husband gone all the time, also comes raising three muchkins (almost alone.. sorry ben, it's the truth) and all the housework.  ok, really.. i know people have it worse.  i know. but how the heck does my house get so messy. every. single. day?!?!  for having such a large house you'd think i'd have one corner that is at least clean, but nope.  that is not the case.  so, where are we.. dealing with children (one of which is a baby who still insists on waking for a nighttime feeding) and cleaning and cooking (gosh, these boys can eat) and hauling (i see why the more children you have, the less likely they are to see the outside world).

i can't completely complain though, for the most part.. my kids are pretty dang awesome.  yes, they drive me bonkers and sometimes i wish i could sell them (heck, even give them away), but then i really look at them.  and i see what amazing and magical little creatures they are.  the way they can make me laugh, look forward to the future and strive to be the best dang mom i can possibly be.

it's hard. motherhood.

even with this short post i sound like a bi-polar lunatic.  think of it this way.. i feel these feelings all day.   how confusing is that.  

anyway.. this post was for all you mothers who sometimes hate your kids.  i know you don't 'really' hate them, but somedays you feel like you kinda do.  just know, you're not alone.  i have been scouring the internet, trying to find another 'real' mom.  one who doesn't have a spotless house.  amazingly adorable pictures and stories of her adorable children.  one who doesn't have it all together.  well, i wasn't satisfied with how crappy of a mom some people were being, so i thought i would write this to let you know that you're not alone!  haha... blabber, blabber, blabber.. i know. i'm writing and not getting anywhere.

so, here i am. i am a real mom. and most days i feel like i am treading water the best i can!  i hope to be back here more often (as i hope you will be too)!

twelve month rewind...

Oh. My. Goodness.  Seriously, where did the year go?  It seems like yesterday that Preston was just born and now we're already over half way to meeting our newest little man!  So, I thought I would take a minute to look back on our last twelve months so see if *maybe* I can figure out when I lost my sanity...

Minnesota Children's Museum visit on New Years Day 2011

Valentine's Day.. They were so tiny!

Family Trip to Cancun, Mexico

Easter

Parker's First 'Real' Haircut by Mom

A Second Birthday!

A Baptism

A Party

Family Photo Shoot at the River

Concerts in the Park

Standing!

Crawling!

A Parade

The 4th of July at Nana's Cabin

The County Fair

LOTS of DANCING!

Craft Projects

Messy Mealtimes!

A Wedding

(photo credit: Joe Kelley Photography)

A Photo Shoot

(photo credit: Helena Lynne Photography)

(photo credit: Helena Lynne Photography)

A Car Show

Walking!

Family Photo Shoot

(photo credit: Joe Kelley Photography)

Another Birthday Boy!

(photo credit: Joe Kelley Photography)

A Christmas Card

Christmas and announcing that the third baby (due in May 2012) is a BOY!

Before I wrote this post, I felt like we didn't do a whole lot this year.  But now I have realized why in the world I am so tired at the end of every day!  Hope this post finds you all in a time of happiness and health and I am wishing you all the best in the coming year!

Yesterday I was all fired up to get on here and complain about my children. The last few days their attitudes have been insane and their behaviors have been off the wall. Then I realized that a lot of that has been my fault (not all of it, but I know I am at least a little to blame)... Mealtimes have been unplanned, bedtimes have been pushed back (to say the least) and when we are playing, I feel like I mentally haven't been there this week!

On top of their behaviors putting me partly to blame, I realized another HUGE part... Is that REALLY The state of mind that I want to put myself into? Don't get me wrong.. There are days that I will REALLY need to vent about the boys, but right now (especially with the holidays right around the corner) I know that I have so much to be thankful for. Yes, they were driving me crazy in Target last night, with the fighting over snacks, not wanting to sit, not listening when they got the privilege of getting out of the cart, whining and crying, but that is something that NEVER happens, so I guess I am owed one horrible shopping trip here and there.

Thankfully, I didn't let that horrible shopping adventure consume me. I knew it was something temporary (even if it felt like it was never going to end). My kids are healthy (and with exception to the Target shopping fiasico) they are happy, and that in return is something that I should be VERY happy and thankful for... I guess the main thing that I am trying to get at is just a reminder that you can't always control the situation, but you can always control the amount of your energy that you will allow that situation to consume.

Have a good day everyone... I hope I will! ;)

reason for the season

I have been facing some 'Mommy Guilt' for the last couple of days.  For a couple of reasons, we have decided that we're not 'really' getting the kids anything for Christmas.  One of those reasons being money (or shall I say the lack there of) and another reason being 'Really.. Do these kids need any more stuff?'

It has been really hard because I see all this stuff that the boys would absolutely love and there are a few things that come to mind that I would like them to have, not to mention the list of things I hear that their friends are getting.  However, we are going to hold strong.  I got them each a book and I hope to start a tradition that each year they get a book with a personal letter in it from Ben and I.  I love things that are more meaningful, so I hope I can stick to it for the next 20 years!  There is also one cute toy that I am thinking about getting for them to share (and it's less than $20, so score), but I am still not sure... Then they each are getting one thing from Santa (so Mr. Claus tells me).  Like I said, I felt bad, but even now looking at that list I think that is more than enough.  They will be getting things from grandparents, aunts, and uncles.. So I think they will have the 'stuff we don't REALLY need' covered.   

On top of lack of gifts, I have been talking to Parker a lot lately about kids that don't have any toys at all.  The first time I told him that some kids have no toys, he immediately looked like he was going to cry.  It was actually really cute, I'm cruel, I know!  Anyways, with the holidays coming (and Preston's first birthday just passed), I decided to go through our toys.  I have a couple of large bins in the basement that I have full of toys.  I put them down there with the intensions to rotate them out when the boys got bored with the ones that are upstairs.  However, that still hasn't happened.  So... I went though the basement bins to get out any 'special' toys or ones that I know we will play with again, the rest are being donated.  Parker came down and asked what I was doing.  I told him that I was going to give some of his old toys away to other kids that don't have many toys to play with... I was expecting a battle (or atleast a whine) from him, but all he said (and yes.. It made me tear up when he said it)

'That will make me feel so happy to make ofver (other) kids happy.'

(keep in mind.. he's 2 1/2)

Those magical little words made all of my 'Mommy Guilt' fade away, so thanks dude!

I wanted to share that with you to remind YOU that sometimes your child will get more joy out of making someone else happy, rather than opening the $100 gift that you stressed out to find for over a month. 

(And please understand, with that statement comes no judgement from me, just a reminder that this time of year is about a lot more than gifts received.)

today i said 'yes!'

Lately I have been feeling like I have been telling the boys 'no' a lot. It's not that I really mean to, I just haven't been in the mood to scub paint off my kitchen table and it's ten times faster if I just make lunch myself. However, I recently heard a pretty inspirational story about a mother who started saying 'yes.' Honestly, I am sweeping the floor five times throughout the day anyways, what is one more time?

So today I said yes. It's not that I let the boys walk all over me, but I did give them some freedom that they don't always get. It may not sound like that big of a deal, but for someone who has some OCD tendencies, letting a 12 month old 'sort' beans is a pretty big deal. The boys and I spent some really good quality time at the kitchen table and it was so rewarding, I think for all of us. Parker was playing with beans.. Pouring, dumping, counting, sorting, you name it. I saw that he was about to use the bigger container and try to dump it into the smaller one.. The 'normal' me would have thrown myself across the table to stop the giant mess that was about to happen, but instead I took a deep breath and watched it happen. Once the smaller container was full, Parker, seeing that there were still more left in his big container, tried to add some more. They immediately fell all over the table and all over the floor. He made his usual 'eek!' face and at that exact moment I felt horrible. I don't want him to think that he will be in trouble for every mess that he makes. Yes, of course, I don't want him running around TRYING to make messes, but if it happens on accident there is nothing wrong with that. I told him that it was ok and that we would just have to work together to clean it up when he was all done. He looked shocked. No reprimand for making this giant mess? I continued by telling him that I understood it was an accident and that it is ok to make messes every once in while. Then he said, 'Momma, I didn't mean it. It made a mess because this one (pointing to the big container) is bigger than this one (pointing to the smaller container) and they couldn't all fit.' Wow! I don't know if it is just me, but I was so proud of him at that moment that he could have dumped that whole container over my head and I wouldn't have cared. He figured it out all on his own. I didn't say a word about the differences in sizes, I just sat back and let him teach himself something. And it felt wonderful.

After the fun of the beans wore off, I asked him to go get his broom so he could help me clean them up. I was expecting him to get a bean here and a bean there, but HE turned it into a competition of who could get more beans. (I still won by the way... I can't let these kids completely walk all over me. Ha!) so not only did he learn from his little experiment, he picked up his mess, with no complaints. It was so amazing to see my little man grow up like that.

Sidenote, yes.. I know I have been gone for some time, so sorry!
*And I am in my beloved iPad and I can't figure out how to add my signature, so for tonight...

-Betsy