'Let Them Be Little'

that is a quote i saw on my beloved pinterest lately... 'let them be little'.

isn't that kind of strange to think about, or is that just me?

i never really take the time to think about how truly 'little' they are.  i expect and i expect and i expect and lately i feel like i haven't been giving them the opportunity to just be little.

parker was pouring a glass of water today, and he ended up knocking his glass off the table.  he immediately got the most frightened look on his face and blurted out, 'sorry!' before i could say anything.

what kind of monster am i?

is he really that afraid of making mistakes, or messes, because of what i might say.  of course, i don't want him making messes all over the house, but it was water.

i immediately ran over to him, cuddled him up and explained, over and over, that i wasn't upset and that it wasn't a big deal... i recently read a story:

This is  a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"

Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, "You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.

His mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!

This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment "doesn't work," we usually learn something valuable from it.

This is  a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"

Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, "You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.

His mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!

This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment "doesn't work," we usually learn something valuable from it.

and today i got to live out part of that story... we didn't get to go outside and try different ways of carrying it, but we did get down on the floor and play in the water (the little ones joined us), we then talked about the different ways that we could clean it up and then i just let him lead the rest of the conversation... it went everywhere from 'how is water made', 'how does the towel dry itself' to 'what kind of dinosaurs lived in the water' (we're in a dinosaur phase right now).

it was great to have that with him... i have to make mental notes to remind myself that most things are still new experiences to him and, right now, my opinions, words and reactions have the biggest influence on him.  of course i was annoyed that he spilt an entire (large) glass of water, but i don't want him to ever think that he has to fear me because of a mistake that he has made.  yes, i know there are times will do things that require a 'consequence,' but not always... especially this time.

i have been doing more and more researching on homeschooling and the more i am reading, the more i am realizing that i have to just 'let them be little'.  yes, parker LOVES doing workbooks and 'actual' curriculum sets, but he also loves hands on learning... mixing and cutting. moving and feeling.  he loves experiencing... what kid doesn't?  so, with that, i have decided to change my approach.  it's honestly going to take more work on my part (blah)... it has been so easy to open our book, see what i have to teach him, do it and be done.  now he (and the other boys) will be leading the way... if they want to spend an entire week playing with sand, so be it.  there are always ways to teach a child, and it's usually most productive when it's up to the child what they learn.

'what was wonderful about childhood is that anything in it was a wonder.  it was not merely a world of miracles.  it was a miraculous world.' - chesterton

'it's more important to prepare your children for life than kindergarten.

*competence*

*confidence*

*self-worth*

*trust*

*empathy*

*emotional intelligence*'

-play at home mom

how true is that?

so... instead of teaching my kids to know the days of the week, i want to help my child enjoy each day of the week... most of all, i want to teach myself to 

let them be little. 

What I Want to Remember

some nights, like tonight, i sit at my computer and scroll through all my old pictures of the kids on Facebook. ugh.. it breaks my heart.  not in a bad way, per-se, but it's one of those 'i love them so much it hurts' types of things.. i'm sure all you mothers can relate.  anyways, while looking through them i notice there are a lot of little moments that probably no one else, besides maybe ben, really cares about. no one cares about preston's pudgy hands he had as an infant, or the insanely adorable gaps in his teeth when he was almost one.  no one cares about his sideways glances at the camera, as he tells me so much with his eyes and devilish smirk or that he wears his underwear backwards.  no one cares about his insane love for animals.

and no one cares about parker's toothless grin that he'd flash me while we'd cuddle in bed in the mornings.  no one cares about his long, messy, curls that he had. no one sees the old, sensitive soul, wise beyond the wee age of three, that i see.  no one cares about all the sound effects that he makes, and the faces that go with them.  no one cares about his curiosity and desire to learn, that you can literally see when he looks at something.

no one cares about spencer's 'scrunchy face' (that parker also made at the same age).  no one cares about his way of watching his big brothers, just waiting for the moment that he is old enough to do what they're doing.  no one cares about his adorable sleepy eyes when he wakes up or his pride when he masters a new skill (no matter how small it is).

but i do.  

i care about it all.  it may seem that i photograph the most ridiculous things at times... a detail shot of their hands while they're playing cars, or how uncomfortable they're sitting while they are reading, but those are the things that make up my days.

i often forget my camera when we actually 'go' somewhere, or i take it with but it never comes out of the bag.  for a split second, whenever we're leaving a place, i regret not taking pictures of the boys while we were there.  however, then i remember... sure i want to remember the good times we had while visiting the zoo, but that's not makes up the majority of my memories.  i want to forever remember the little things, that truly are the big things.  i know i will forget a lot of them, i already have, and that is why i am even more thankful for the random snapshots i have of their grubby faces and dirty fingers. that is what makes up my boys.  

they are messy. they are loud. they are rough. they are the thieves of my sanity and they are my everything. and the moments i share with them at home are my everything... the tears, the giggles, the bath times, the before-bed-stories, the cuddles.

so, to many of you, the pictures i post of my kids may not mean anything, but to me...

they. are. everything.

what do you want to remember about your kids?  

don't forget to capture that memory because, all too soon, you'll become distracted with another day and you'll forget that tiny thing that made up so much of who your child is.

'My Name is Betsy, and I am Addicted to...'

i'm sure many of you have read the article 'how to miss a childhood'... i know i have, a couple of times actually.  with that, i must admit that i am guilty.  i'm not guilty of all of it, but after reading it i did hang my head in shame a little bit.  so...

'hi. my name is betsy and i am addicted to my cell phone.'

it's pretty sad actually... i have all these 'rules' for the boys to earn screen time, but what about me?  i always check my phone, or computer (it is always on and my office is right next to the kitchen) with the intention 'oh.. they're playing so nicely, i'm just going to check it quick.'  well, quick turns into five minutes, which turns into ten and before you know it i've been on there thirty minutes (and the only thing that snapped me back to reality is one of my little men asking for my attention).  of course, that is followed by me getting annoyed that they're 'bugging' me and i get annoyed. ugh.. horrible!

not to mention my phone... 'oh, the cell phone.'  what a blessed curse it is.  don't get me wrong, i love that i can take pictures and videos so easily (not to mention mail them to ben, since he works out of town so much)... but again, it is vicious cycle... take a picture, 'edit' it with instagram, upload it to facebook, check facebook while i'm there, (again 5 minutes has passed), get an email notification while i'm on it, check email... you get the idea.

my new goal is to be here more for my kids.  follow their lead.  play games that i really don't want to play (i'm being honest here).  read books for the one millionth time (this week).

luckily, i have some good kids that know how to get my attention (besides screaming, of course)... they don't allow me to do the 'uh huh' back to them when they tell or ask me something, their questions always demand a REAL answer.... 'isn't it so sad that the bulldozer knocked over the tower?' 'uh huh, that's really sad.' 'why do you think it's sad, that is what a bulldozer is supposed to do?' 'damn... (in my head)'.

and the absolute best... 'mom, can you please drive with two hands.  it makes me really nervous when you're not concentrating on the road.'  well then, that surely puts someone in their place.  

anyways, i have started making a few rules/goals before i earn my own screen time (unless the kids are in bed, because then i have a date with downton abbey, no questions about it)

1. move my comfy office chair to the basement and sit on an uncomfortable folding whenever i want to sit at my computer.

2. have no dishes in the sink before i sit down at my computer

(i know these rules are pathetic... i'm a lazy bum... i'm giving you all a glimpse into my 'real' life)

3. turn my phone text messages on silent during the day... if it's really important, please call me

4. throw in a load of laundry before i sit down on my computer

i'm sure these will change and be updated, but for now... that is what i have.

i am off... my train track building abilities are being summonsed!

Smothered by Stuff

we've been house hunting over the past few months and it has become very apparent that the kelley family will be downsizing!  at first i was sad and upset, but the more i've thought about it the more i am excited for this new adventure.  sure, we'll be a little more cramped, but i am hoping that helps us eliminate some of our 'stuff.'  lately i feel like we're suffocating under all of our possessions.  the kids have a playroom that is overflowing with toys (granted, they play with almost all of them often, but do they really 'need' them?), our closets look like a clothing store puked all over the place and our basement looks like it came out of an episode of hoarders.  

however, until now we've always felt like we 'needed' it all.  

it was really funny, actually.  the other night ben and i were having one of our phone conversations that lasted into the wee hours and it was so interesting to find out that both of us feel the same way, but neither one wanted to admit it... maybe it's partly the fact that we were living in denial that we thought we could keep up the lifestyle that we're living... new clothes, fun outings, babysitters, and all the tiny things that add up, or maybe it was just the fact that we can finally, really, see that the joy our kids get out of the world (without spending a single dollar).  don't get me wrong... things could be A LOT worse, but i'm just thankful that we didn't have to hit rock bottom to see that things needed to change.

a large part of me is embarrassed that i am such a materialistic person.  of course, i still think it is a good thing to desire nice things, but with the way our culture is going (me included), people feel entitled to have nice things and aren't willing to just be content with desiring them anymore.  i often have tell our kids:

'i understand that you want that toy/book/(insert thing here), but i'm sorry... we're not going to get it today. maybe you can ask for that as a special gift for your birthday/christmas gift.  we'll just write it down on your wishlist, or you can do your chores and earn it yourself.'  

sadly, i don't really tell myself that (until very recently).

a couple of new things that i will be living by:

“You must walk to the beat of a different drummer. The same beat that the wealthy hear. If the beat sounds normal, evacuate the dance floor immediately! The goal is to not be normal, because as my radio listeners know, normal is broke.” 
― Dave Ramsey, The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness

“We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.” 
― Dave Ramsey, The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness

“If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.” 
― Dave Ramsey

so... sorry friends, i may become kind of a debbie downer to hang out with... unless, of course, you're up for hanging out at my place with a glass of cheap wine ;)

here's to a freeing 2013. cheers!

The Tuesday Like No Other

this tuesday was the worst tuesday of the year.  ok, it's only been the second or third tuesday of 2013, but who is counting, eh?

anyways, where do i begin?

i don't have any idea what was going on with spencer.  ok, i might have a slight idea, but seeing as the gemlin can't talk, i will just have to make guesses.  i'm assuming it's either teeth, growing or better chances... his urge to be on the move.  the kid took three naps.  sounds great, right?  no.  they were three short-lived and annoying naps.  i know i am expecting a lot from that little bugger, but if he could just get up and moving, that would be ah.maze.ing!

the two older kiddos have been at each other's throats today.  i don't know if i'm just noticed the little bickering back and forth more today than i normally do, but better chances are that they need some space from each other.  with this freakishly cold weather and disgusting flu going around, we have been pretty home bound lately and, obviously, that needs to change.  we put up their slide climber and a trampoline... and last weekend ben put up a climbing ladder, climbing rope and an indoor swing.  it has already made itself more than useful with these two busy bodies running around.

anyways, today was just dragging... everything the kids did was annoying and WAY too loud.  i know i snapped at them (more than once) and the moment i did, i felt horrible.  however, an hour later i'd do it again.  i don't know what is going on, but today i was for sure not the mom i strive to be.

oh.. icing on the cake.. how could i ever forget?!?!  

so, i had some clothes in rubbermaid containers upstairs.. this weekend i spent a whole day organizing clothes; hanging up 'new' stuff and packing away the stuff that they have outgrown. the bad part about having three boys in less than three years is that you're ALWAYS switching clothes around.  parker and preston aren't close enough in size to just take if from parker's bar and put it up on preston's (that would be WAY too easy), so i pack it away for a total of like 2 months and then i unpack and do the whole process over again.  then, when preston outgrows something i have to do it for him.  however, preston is my 'little' one and spencer is, well, not. haha.. so i am reaching a point that the clothes can just be transferred from one to the other.  (wow... this is boring... sorry).  LONG STORY SHORT, i had a bunch of bins upstairs, all organized, and the boys decided to dump them all out and roll around in them.  so awesome.  i blew up.  like.. bad.  i had already had enough and this was just too far. i yelled and sent them downstairs to clean their playroom while i did this on my own.  i seriously just didn't even want to look at them (horrible, i know).

i spent the next (i have no idea how long, i was too angry to calculate) bit of time re-sorting and packing.  honestly, it wasn't as hard as the first time because i kind of remembered what went where, but still.. it sucked!  i got the boys ready for bed and as we were all laying together, reading books, the guilt really sunk in.... 

i was so incredibly mean to them today.  i had no patience and everything they said or did was inconveniencing me (even though i can't tell you a single thing i did all day).  

i snuggled in extra close to them and let it all out.  i apologized for how rude i was, for not giving the time they so obviously needed and for yelling at them.  i started crying as i told them how bad i felt and that i was not proud of the way i acted.  i, again, told them that they are allowed to point if i am ever treating them bad during the day and i will try to fix whatever it is that i am doing.

(keep in mind, parker is three and a half and preston is two)

i was awestruck by what happened next... 

preston threw his little (but strong arms) around my neck and squeezed as hard as he could.  then, when he was done, he gave me the biggest kiss on the cheek and then just laid back down next to me (with his arm still behind my neck).  

parker just calming said, 'you know mom, you did make me really sad today but i'm not sad with you anymore.  tomorrow let's just work as a team better.'

seriously.. am i not the luckiest girl alive?

good night all, and here is to hoping that tomorrow is a little brighter!

Ugh...

me: 'what are you guys doing upstairs?'

parker: 'we're just playing hide and seek.'

{insert metal image of two adorable boys running from room to room looking for each other, 

accompanied by the sound of their little feet on the hardwood floor and 

giggles as they catch each other}

welcome back to reality!

what he actually meant is that they were dumping out rubermaid containers of clothes, six to be exact, into a giant pile and laying in them.  

what is the worst part?  

i had just organized those containers... some were too small for spencer that needed to be put in the basement, some that are still a little too big for spencer that were in his closet, some were my clothes, and some were too small for parker, but not quite preston's size.  

great.. so i have a mountain of clothes and i have to re-sort all of them! it looks like gymboree puked all over my bedroom floor! ugh, i'm too sober for this!

Quick Note of Happiness

i love how their little brains never shut off and i love how weekend mornings are filled with a million questions that ben has the patience to answer (in depth)...

parker: 'how are houses built?'

parker: 'tell me about the sun.'

preston: 'choo choo?'

parker: 'he wants to know how a train works.'

hope you're enjoying or weekend as much as we are!