Hello and Goodbye to the Last 15 Months!

Why hello there strangers!

I know.. I know.. Where in the world have I been? Let's see where I can begin on updating you all on the past year. I guess I can break it down to the top five moments for my family and I:

5. We have welcomed many new people into our family. From our sibling's weddings to new babies, the family is rapidly growing!

My boys and I * May 2014
photo credit: Amanda Nippoldt Photography

4. We took the plunge and decided that we would 'officially' homeschool the boys.  It has been so much fun!  Parker will be starting 'kindergarten' this fall and Preston and Spencer will be continuing with their pre-school 'curriculum' while Charlie adorably drools in his highchair.

3. I started sharing my passion for essential oils with others.  What started as something that I used on myself and my kids when we were sick, has turned into something amazing and gratifying.  I have made new friends, learned more about something that I already loved and have helped more people start their journey to a healthier lifestyle than I could have ever imagined.

2. We moved into our new home on May 12th, 2012.  I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful it is to have us all under one roof again!

1.  The birth of Charlie! We welcomed our 'not-so-little' bundle on December 15th, 2013 after a wonderful labor and delivery.  Strange to hear someone say that, huh?  I will have to share his birth story soon.

I know you all have missed my family and I dearly (insert eye roll and sarcastic laugh here) and I cannot wait to be back to blogging and filling you all in on the crazy antics of my family and I!

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'Let Them Be Little'

that is a quote i saw on my beloved pinterest lately... 'let them be little'.

isn't that kind of strange to think about, or is that just me?

i never really take the time to think about how truly 'little' they are.  i expect and i expect and i expect and lately i feel like i haven't been giving them the opportunity to just be little.

parker was pouring a glass of water today, and he ended up knocking his glass off the table.  he immediately got the most frightened look on his face and blurted out, 'sorry!' before i could say anything.

what kind of monster am i?

is he really that afraid of making mistakes, or messes, because of what i might say.  of course, i don't want him making messes all over the house, but it was water.

i immediately ran over to him, cuddled him up and explained, over and over, that i wasn't upset and that it wasn't a big deal... i recently read a story:

This is  a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"

Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, "You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.

His mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!

This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment "doesn't work," we usually learn something valuable from it.

This is  a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"

Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, "You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.

His mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!

This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment "doesn't work," we usually learn something valuable from it.

and today i got to live out part of that story... we didn't get to go outside and try different ways of carrying it, but we did get down on the floor and play in the water (the little ones joined us), we then talked about the different ways that we could clean it up and then i just let him lead the rest of the conversation... it went everywhere from 'how is water made', 'how does the towel dry itself' to 'what kind of dinosaurs lived in the water' (we're in a dinosaur phase right now).

it was great to have that with him... i have to make mental notes to remind myself that most things are still new experiences to him and, right now, my opinions, words and reactions have the biggest influence on him.  of course i was annoyed that he spilt an entire (large) glass of water, but i don't want him to ever think that he has to fear me because of a mistake that he has made.  yes, i know there are times will do things that require a 'consequence,' but not always... especially this time.

i have been doing more and more researching on homeschooling and the more i am reading, the more i am realizing that i have to just 'let them be little'.  yes, parker LOVES doing workbooks and 'actual' curriculum sets, but he also loves hands on learning... mixing and cutting. moving and feeling.  he loves experiencing... what kid doesn't?  so, with that, i have decided to change my approach.  it's honestly going to take more work on my part (blah)... it has been so easy to open our book, see what i have to teach him, do it and be done.  now he (and the other boys) will be leading the way... if they want to spend an entire week playing with sand, so be it.  there are always ways to teach a child, and it's usually most productive when it's up to the child what they learn.

'what was wonderful about childhood is that anything in it was a wonder.  it was not merely a world of miracles.  it was a miraculous world.' - chesterton

'it's more important to prepare your children for life than kindergarten.

*competence*

*confidence*

*self-worth*

*trust*

*empathy*

*emotional intelligence*'

-play at home mom

how true is that?

so... instead of teaching my kids to know the days of the week, i want to help my child enjoy each day of the week... most of all, i want to teach myself to 

let them be little. 

What I Want to Remember

some nights, like tonight, i sit at my computer and scroll through all my old pictures of the kids on Facebook. ugh.. it breaks my heart.  not in a bad way, per-se, but it's one of those 'i love them so much it hurts' types of things.. i'm sure all you mothers can relate.  anyways, while looking through them i notice there are a lot of little moments that probably no one else, besides maybe ben, really cares about. no one cares about preston's pudgy hands he had as an infant, or the insanely adorable gaps in his teeth when he was almost one.  no one cares about his sideways glances at the camera, as he tells me so much with his eyes and devilish smirk or that he wears his underwear backwards.  no one cares about his insane love for animals.

and no one cares about parker's toothless grin that he'd flash me while we'd cuddle in bed in the mornings.  no one cares about his long, messy, curls that he had. no one sees the old, sensitive soul, wise beyond the wee age of three, that i see.  no one cares about all the sound effects that he makes, and the faces that go with them.  no one cares about his curiosity and desire to learn, that you can literally see when he looks at something.

no one cares about spencer's 'scrunchy face' (that parker also made at the same age).  no one cares about his way of watching his big brothers, just waiting for the moment that he is old enough to do what they're doing.  no one cares about his adorable sleepy eyes when he wakes up or his pride when he masters a new skill (no matter how small it is).

but i do.  

i care about it all.  it may seem that i photograph the most ridiculous things at times... a detail shot of their hands while they're playing cars, or how uncomfortable they're sitting while they are reading, but those are the things that make up my days.

i often forget my camera when we actually 'go' somewhere, or i take it with but it never comes out of the bag.  for a split second, whenever we're leaving a place, i regret not taking pictures of the boys while we were there.  however, then i remember... sure i want to remember the good times we had while visiting the zoo, but that's not makes up the majority of my memories.  i want to forever remember the little things, that truly are the big things.  i know i will forget a lot of them, i already have, and that is why i am even more thankful for the random snapshots i have of their grubby faces and dirty fingers. that is what makes up my boys.  

they are messy. they are loud. they are rough. they are the thieves of my sanity and they are my everything. and the moments i share with them at home are my everything... the tears, the giggles, the bath times, the before-bed-stories, the cuddles.

so, to many of you, the pictures i post of my kids may not mean anything, but to me...

they. are. everything.

what do you want to remember about your kids?  

don't forget to capture that memory because, all too soon, you'll become distracted with another day and you'll forget that tiny thing that made up so much of who your child is.

'My Name is Betsy, and I am Addicted to...'

i'm sure many of you have read the article 'how to miss a childhood'... i know i have, a couple of times actually.  with that, i must admit that i am guilty.  i'm not guilty of all of it, but after reading it i did hang my head in shame a little bit.  so...

'hi. my name is betsy and i am addicted to my cell phone.'

it's pretty sad actually... i have all these 'rules' for the boys to earn screen time, but what about me?  i always check my phone, or computer (it is always on and my office is right next to the kitchen) with the intention 'oh.. they're playing so nicely, i'm just going to check it quick.'  well, quick turns into five minutes, which turns into ten and before you know it i've been on there thirty minutes (and the only thing that snapped me back to reality is one of my little men asking for my attention).  of course, that is followed by me getting annoyed that they're 'bugging' me and i get annoyed. ugh.. horrible!

not to mention my phone... 'oh, the cell phone.'  what a blessed curse it is.  don't get me wrong, i love that i can take pictures and videos so easily (not to mention mail them to ben, since he works out of town so much)... but again, it is vicious cycle... take a picture, 'edit' it with instagram, upload it to facebook, check facebook while i'm there, (again 5 minutes has passed), get an email notification while i'm on it, check email... you get the idea.

my new goal is to be here more for my kids.  follow their lead.  play games that i really don't want to play (i'm being honest here).  read books for the one millionth time (this week).

luckily, i have some good kids that know how to get my attention (besides screaming, of course)... they don't allow me to do the 'uh huh' back to them when they tell or ask me something, their questions always demand a REAL answer.... 'isn't it so sad that the bulldozer knocked over the tower?' 'uh huh, that's really sad.' 'why do you think it's sad, that is what a bulldozer is supposed to do?' 'damn... (in my head)'.

and the absolute best... 'mom, can you please drive with two hands.  it makes me really nervous when you're not concentrating on the road.'  well then, that surely puts someone in their place.  

anyways, i have started making a few rules/goals before i earn my own screen time (unless the kids are in bed, because then i have a date with downton abbey, no questions about it)

1. move my comfy office chair to the basement and sit on an uncomfortable folding whenever i want to sit at my computer.

2. have no dishes in the sink before i sit down at my computer

(i know these rules are pathetic... i'm a lazy bum... i'm giving you all a glimpse into my 'real' life)

3. turn my phone text messages on silent during the day... if it's really important, please call me

4. throw in a load of laundry before i sit down on my computer

i'm sure these will change and be updated, but for now... that is what i have.

i am off... my train track building abilities are being summonsed!

daily report

Things I have to report today...

1. Last week was spent wonderfully... A visit from one of my sisters, bumming around the house and a visit from my mother-in-law.

2. I am tired. Like 'drained' tired.

3. My children are driving me insane today.  I cannot wait for naptime so I can cuddle up in bed, with a bowl of apple crisp and some ice cream and catch up on the latest episodes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (insert judgement here).

4. Last, but certainly not least... The Kelley family is expanding (and so is my waistline)....

Parker is proud to announce (along with Ben, Preston and I):

'There is a baby in Mommy's tummy.'

After the miscarriage in July, we decided to let the cards fall as they may and well.. They fell right where we wanted them to.  I actually never got back to my original cycle after the miscarriage, so I called the clinic (after a very obvious positive home pregnancy test) and rambled on, to an answering machine, about when I thought I concieved, blah blah blah... They made me an appointment to have my blood drawn and then we were going to go from there.  The nurse said it would have to be at atleast 5000 and then they would have me back two days later to see if it double.  Well, I never even needed a second appointment.  My levels came back somewhere around 112,000.  The nurse almost laughed as she said, 'Yeah.. You're pregnant'.  I went in a couple of days later to see the little bugger via ultrasound. 

The baby looks great, and 'it' is measuring right on track... The only upsetting thing is that I have another blood clot on the side of the placenta, so they are going to want to monitor that again.  Hopefully this one will not rupture the way Preston's did (I will save that story for another day).

As of right now all I know is that I feel great (minus being tired) and there is a little vampire/alien thing growing inside me.

Oh... I am due May 6th, 2012

(I was 9 weeks on Sunday)

Yes, three under the age of three.. We ARE that crazy!

Not All Days Are Beautiful...

I realized that the days I have something good to say, I am more than happy to sit down and brag... And the days that I want to end, you couldn't pay me to sit down and relive them.  But, I am going to try!

I have a whole list of things that have been 'urking' me lately, but some of them have been given time to heal, so they may not seem as intolerable as they did a few days ago.

Where to begin?

I told you all that the boys were sick a week ago or so.  One word... Fun!

Not only were the boys sick, but I was home alone to deal with the messy diapers, puked on beds and just needy kids.  Whatever.. They got better and we all seemed a little more sane in the days that followed.

Secondly, Parker has turned into a monster (when he chooses to be).  Back story... I hosted a MOMS Club play date... Something that I LOVE doing.  Parker on the other hand.. Not so much.  So, to all of MOMS Club members, I think we are going to be taking a hiatus from hosting for awhile.. Sad, I know.  But seriously, after everyone left Parker was insane.  It was like someone gave him, I don't even know, but it was bad.  He couldn't listen to directions, wouldn't eat dinner (which a HUGE deal in this house) and took more time outs in one day than he's had in weeks!  I complained to Ben about it and he said the typical, 'terrible twos,' but my kids doesn't get those!  Or at least I'd like to believe.. Anyways, I was about to tie him in the front yard with a free sign posted around his neck.  Joke.  But you get the idea.  He was throwing things, picking on his brother, yelling.. You name it, he did it.  Then, the next day we got out of the house and guess what.. The Parker that I know and adore was back.  I'm sure the little brat will return from time to time, but I hope it is a long time before I see those horns coming out of Parker's forehead again.  He still has been acting a little more crazy than normal, and luckily ECFE classes started this week, so I am hoping that the fact that we're getting into our 'fall routine' will help with his restlessness.  I will keep you all posted.

I don't have much to complain about Preston.. He is starting to walk, so I think that alleviates a lot of his frustration... Or he just wants to counter-act the way his older brother has been acting.. Either way, I will take what I can get!   

And then there is the BIG boy... Ben and I have already talked about these issues, so I feel ok complaining to you all... (I have heard that you're never supposed to talk bad about your husband, but I am not about to have a complete 'Ben Bashing Session' and guess what.. This is a major piece of my life that was bothering me, so I'm going to do it anyways....)  Ben started a new job this summer and we are so excited for that.  However, with that has come some pretty insane work hours.  I am used to him being away for days and nights on end, that isn't the issue.. The issue was how his time was spent when he was home.  He works from home (with obvious travel involved) so he can pop upstairs from time to time to have lunch with us, play with the kids or what have you... And then I would ask a simple favor like, 'Can you change the baby's diaper while I finish cleaning up the kitchen?' He would immediately stand up and tell me that he had to get back to work...

RRRRIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHTTTT...

So that was help issue number one.. Help issue number two came into play in the mornings when Preston would wake up.  I know he heard him and I know he was ignoring him, the exact same way I was.. But of course, I would get up with him (to give Ben credit, he did let me sleep in one day).  Not only would Ben not get up with us, he would usually sleep in for another hour or so... Seriously?!?!  He is a total night person, so when he works, he gets a ton done after the boys and I go to bed... However, then he usually stays up all hours of the night and then crashes, sleeps in, and then repeats the cycle the next day.  That doesn't really work for me however! I am not going to make the boys be silent while you sleep in until 11am.. Yes, one day it was 11am!  I could have shot in him the foot! So, those were really fun days at the Kelley house. 

A few weeks ago, in my opinion, he and I were a solid team, and the past couple weeks have been anything but.  I know a lot has to do with him being gone for work and then working when he was home.  We finally got to the point where we 'facetimed' (it's like skype) on our phones while he was at a hotel and I was working on the computer.  What did you talk about you ask?  First our days, and then nothing really.  We both just needed to feel connected to other one so badly that by doing that it made us 'feel' like we were right by each other.  I know, sad! 

I want you all to know that I am not writing this for you to pity me, to make you hate my wonderful husband or for any other negative reason... I am writing this to let you know that even I (yes, me!) have issues with my husband.  It is only normal (and healthy) to have things brought up in your marriage that need tweaking and adjusting.  The other night, when were taking about this, we sat down and really listened to each other.  We didn't make excuses for our actions and we didn't place blame.  We listened to what was the other was saying and now we are making an honest effort to change.  Luckily, our issues are mole hills compared to mountains, and I am thankful that he is the type of person that wants to deal with it before it turns into one.  Neither of us are perfect, but together we make a great team and we know that.  It makes me love him all that much more that he ticks me off from time to time, because if he didn't I would be really scared to where our relationship was heading.  I am a firm believer that people fight for things that important to them and the moment that he or I would stop 'fighting' would be a very sad day.  We are both passionate about our relationship and our passion shows when we work together to adjust the things that are happening. 

Photo by: Behind the Lens Photography

So, contrary to popular belief... We're not perfect.. I know.. I had you fooled, right?

Luckily, life is settling down...  Just in time for it to be shaken up again! I know better than to think that I can have it 'too' easy for too long!

Sap...

'Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion and sorrow too.  Nothing else ever will make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own personality, especially while you struggle to keep your own.'

-Marguerite Kelly & Elia Parsons

Today has been one of those awesome and inspiring days...

Lately I have been making mental notes of things of importance and things that I really need to learn to let go.  I have always known that I can not control others' actions and behaviors, but, daily, I am trying to remind myself of things like that.  I think I am beginning to find some honest to goodness peace. I have always known that there are people out there who will always look down on you and try to make you feel like they are better than you and lately I am beginning to understand that that is out of my control... Completely.  I am learning that their efforts need to just go wasted because I live a very happy and (in my opinion) successful life.  I may not have a degree posted on my wall, but I do have a wonderful husband, amazing children and a roof over my head.  All of which, I take tremendous pride in.  I have said it before, but I have always known that I wanted to be a mother and the fact that I am lucky enough to not only be a mother, but to also be a full-time, stay-at-home mother... Words cannot describe the joy that gives me.  I can honestly say that, since having the boys, there has never been a day that I wished I did something else.  Of course there have been days that I wished I was somewhere else.. The beach with a margarita in my hand maybe?  But I have loved the mess that I call life from day one.  

Over the past couple of years, and especially the last few months, I feel like I have really grown into the type of person that I want to be (or at least the uphill battle is over).  I have a truly inspiring support team, ranging from my encouraging family, to a group of awesome women who know me better than any friends before ever have and to even the strangers who I pass remind me of the type of grace and kindness I want to bestow onto others.   I am probably going to sound like I need to be checked into the psych ward, but I feel that I have been inspired a lot more lately.  Whether the inspiration is coming from the beautiful things that people create or from the astonishing little munchkins that I am lucky enough to call mine, I am so thankful that I have opened my eyes to it. 

Don't get me wrong.. I know every moment isn't perfect.. But I have been trying to remind myself (as I am wiping butts, cleaning up messes, dealing with timeouts...)

'Oh my goodness, I am going to miss this'

Not only am I raising them and helping them form their personalities... But they are also helping to form mine.

previous posts and growth

I recently checked back at some of my first posts.. I have mixed feelings about them.  I feel like I was so ambitious, but at the same time I am happy to report that I have fulfilled some of my original goals. 

The boys deserve, demand and (luckily) have been receiving my upmost attention.  Don't get me wrong.. There are still days that I run from room to room trying to hide from them, but for the most part, I find myself really playing with them.  Honestly, I feel like I am enjoying it a lot more than I used to also.  Maybe they're at different ages that makes it easier or maybe I just am just aware that these precious times will be over all too soon.  Either way, it has been so rewarding to find things that we all enjoy doing together.  I always have ten different crafts going on at one time, but it is so much fun doing them with the boys and then seeing the joy on Parker's face when we complete something together (and Preston loves to help make any mess possible)!

I think Ben and I are doing a pretty good job making time for each other.  I know we can always work on that, and with his new job (which comes with some pretty demanding hours) it can make it a little difficult at times.  But lately it seems like we have been able to enjoy each other's company a lot more.  Whether it is spending hours talking to each other, or just sitting next to one another while we enjoy our favorite show... His company seems a lot more meaningful lately.

I have always had a desire to create, and until recently I never really knew how to work that into my everyday life.  I am sure as our family grows it will get harder and harder to always be able to find time, but I am so proud of myself for making 'me' time a priorority and sticking to it.  I am sure there are lots of people reading this right now, thinking, 'What, she stays at home all day.. She has all the 'me' time she could want.'  Yes.. I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my boys and make the type of schedules that work for us, but believe me.. It has been a VERY long time where my day revolved around anything other than naptimes, snack times, and diaper changes.  Don't get me wrong.. I love it and there is no other job in the world that I would rather do, there is something unbelieveably rewarding about molding the future and personality of a little human being, but it's not all fun and games.

Besides those points I have found myself becoming a lot more proud and accepting of myself.  Of course I still have 'Mommy Guilt' where I sometimes wonder, 'Am I messing these kids up?' But then I watch my boys interact with others and I see how amazing of a job I am really doing (Yes.. I am going to toot my own horn right now).  Yes.. Parker has his moments where he can be a wild and unruly two year old, but for the most part.. He is an amazing little boy with so much love to give, a huge passion to learn and an overall love of life.  And yes.. Preston drives me crazy when he is hanging on my leg, but he is such a happy baby that it is truly unreal sometimes.  The kid has no fear and I like to think that is is partly because he knows I will always be there to 'catch' him.  Yes, I know that won't always happen and there are times where he will be hurt (in all sorts of ways), but for now it is awesome the bond that him and I have.  I will never get these moments back so I am learning to take it all in stride.. The timeouts, the cries, the cuddles and the never ending giggles.  It is all amazing and I am so happy that I have been giving myself the time to step back and and admire the hard work that I have put in and the great job I have done. 

I know I have a lot more work to go, and this whole mommyhood thing is an ongoing, uphill battle, but right now it really feels like I have a lot of it under control.  I know that all can (and probably will) change tomorrow, but like I said.. I am taking it all in stride.