Not All Days Are Beautiful...

I realized that the days I have something good to say, I am more than happy to sit down and brag... And the days that I want to end, you couldn't pay me to sit down and relive them.  But, I am going to try!

I have a whole list of things that have been 'urking' me lately, but some of them have been given time to heal, so they may not seem as intolerable as they did a few days ago.

Where to begin?

I told you all that the boys were sick a week ago or so.  One word... Fun!

Not only were the boys sick, but I was home alone to deal with the messy diapers, puked on beds and just needy kids.  Whatever.. They got better and we all seemed a little more sane in the days that followed.

Secondly, Parker has turned into a monster (when he chooses to be).  Back story... I hosted a MOMS Club play date... Something that I LOVE doing.  Parker on the other hand.. Not so much.  So, to all of MOMS Club members, I think we are going to be taking a hiatus from hosting for awhile.. Sad, I know.  But seriously, after everyone left Parker was insane.  It was like someone gave him, I don't even know, but it was bad.  He couldn't listen to directions, wouldn't eat dinner (which a HUGE deal in this house) and took more time outs in one day than he's had in weeks!  I complained to Ben about it and he said the typical, 'terrible twos,' but my kids doesn't get those!  Or at least I'd like to believe.. Anyways, I was about to tie him in the front yard with a free sign posted around his neck.  Joke.  But you get the idea.  He was throwing things, picking on his brother, yelling.. You name it, he did it.  Then, the next day we got out of the house and guess what.. The Parker that I know and adore was back.  I'm sure the little brat will return from time to time, but I hope it is a long time before I see those horns coming out of Parker's forehead again.  He still has been acting a little more crazy than normal, and luckily ECFE classes started this week, so I am hoping that the fact that we're getting into our 'fall routine' will help with his restlessness.  I will keep you all posted.

I don't have much to complain about Preston.. He is starting to walk, so I think that alleviates a lot of his frustration... Or he just wants to counter-act the way his older brother has been acting.. Either way, I will take what I can get!   

And then there is the BIG boy... Ben and I have already talked about these issues, so I feel ok complaining to you all... (I have heard that you're never supposed to talk bad about your husband, but I am not about to have a complete 'Ben Bashing Session' and guess what.. This is a major piece of my life that was bothering me, so I'm going to do it anyways....)  Ben started a new job this summer and we are so excited for that.  However, with that has come some pretty insane work hours.  I am used to him being away for days and nights on end, that isn't the issue.. The issue was how his time was spent when he was home.  He works from home (with obvious travel involved) so he can pop upstairs from time to time to have lunch with us, play with the kids or what have you... And then I would ask a simple favor like, 'Can you change the baby's diaper while I finish cleaning up the kitchen?' He would immediately stand up and tell me that he had to get back to work...

RRRRIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHTTTT...

So that was help issue number one.. Help issue number two came into play in the mornings when Preston would wake up.  I know he heard him and I know he was ignoring him, the exact same way I was.. But of course, I would get up with him (to give Ben credit, he did let me sleep in one day).  Not only would Ben not get up with us, he would usually sleep in for another hour or so... Seriously?!?!  He is a total night person, so when he works, he gets a ton done after the boys and I go to bed... However, then he usually stays up all hours of the night and then crashes, sleeps in, and then repeats the cycle the next day.  That doesn't really work for me however! I am not going to make the boys be silent while you sleep in until 11am.. Yes, one day it was 11am!  I could have shot in him the foot! So, those were really fun days at the Kelley house. 

A few weeks ago, in my opinion, he and I were a solid team, and the past couple weeks have been anything but.  I know a lot has to do with him being gone for work and then working when he was home.  We finally got to the point where we 'facetimed' (it's like skype) on our phones while he was at a hotel and I was working on the computer.  What did you talk about you ask?  First our days, and then nothing really.  We both just needed to feel connected to other one so badly that by doing that it made us 'feel' like we were right by each other.  I know, sad! 

I want you all to know that I am not writing this for you to pity me, to make you hate my wonderful husband or for any other negative reason... I am writing this to let you know that even I (yes, me!) have issues with my husband.  It is only normal (and healthy) to have things brought up in your marriage that need tweaking and adjusting.  The other night, when were taking about this, we sat down and really listened to each other.  We didn't make excuses for our actions and we didn't place blame.  We listened to what was the other was saying and now we are making an honest effort to change.  Luckily, our issues are mole hills compared to mountains, and I am thankful that he is the type of person that wants to deal with it before it turns into one.  Neither of us are perfect, but together we make a great team and we know that.  It makes me love him all that much more that he ticks me off from time to time, because if he didn't I would be really scared to where our relationship was heading.  I am a firm believer that people fight for things that important to them and the moment that he or I would stop 'fighting' would be a very sad day.  We are both passionate about our relationship and our passion shows when we work together to adjust the things that are happening. 

Photo by: Behind the Lens Photography

So, contrary to popular belief... We're not perfect.. I know.. I had you fooled, right?

Luckily, life is settling down...  Just in time for it to be shaken up again! I know better than to think that I can have it 'too' easy for too long!

previous posts and growth

I recently checked back at some of my first posts.. I have mixed feelings about them.  I feel like I was so ambitious, but at the same time I am happy to report that I have fulfilled some of my original goals. 

The boys deserve, demand and (luckily) have been receiving my upmost attention.  Don't get me wrong.. There are still days that I run from room to room trying to hide from them, but for the most part, I find myself really playing with them.  Honestly, I feel like I am enjoying it a lot more than I used to also.  Maybe they're at different ages that makes it easier or maybe I just am just aware that these precious times will be over all too soon.  Either way, it has been so rewarding to find things that we all enjoy doing together.  I always have ten different crafts going on at one time, but it is so much fun doing them with the boys and then seeing the joy on Parker's face when we complete something together (and Preston loves to help make any mess possible)!

I think Ben and I are doing a pretty good job making time for each other.  I know we can always work on that, and with his new job (which comes with some pretty demanding hours) it can make it a little difficult at times.  But lately it seems like we have been able to enjoy each other's company a lot more.  Whether it is spending hours talking to each other, or just sitting next to one another while we enjoy our favorite show... His company seems a lot more meaningful lately.

I have always had a desire to create, and until recently I never really knew how to work that into my everyday life.  I am sure as our family grows it will get harder and harder to always be able to find time, but I am so proud of myself for making 'me' time a priorority and sticking to it.  I am sure there are lots of people reading this right now, thinking, 'What, she stays at home all day.. She has all the 'me' time she could want.'  Yes.. I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my boys and make the type of schedules that work for us, but believe me.. It has been a VERY long time where my day revolved around anything other than naptimes, snack times, and diaper changes.  Don't get me wrong.. I love it and there is no other job in the world that I would rather do, there is something unbelieveably rewarding about molding the future and personality of a little human being, but it's not all fun and games.

Besides those points I have found myself becoming a lot more proud and accepting of myself.  Of course I still have 'Mommy Guilt' where I sometimes wonder, 'Am I messing these kids up?' But then I watch my boys interact with others and I see how amazing of a job I am really doing (Yes.. I am going to toot my own horn right now).  Yes.. Parker has his moments where he can be a wild and unruly two year old, but for the most part.. He is an amazing little boy with so much love to give, a huge passion to learn and an overall love of life.  And yes.. Preston drives me crazy when he is hanging on my leg, but he is such a happy baby that it is truly unreal sometimes.  The kid has no fear and I like to think that is is partly because he knows I will always be there to 'catch' him.  Yes, I know that won't always happen and there are times where he will be hurt (in all sorts of ways), but for now it is awesome the bond that him and I have.  I will never get these moments back so I am learning to take it all in stride.. The timeouts, the cries, the cuddles and the never ending giggles.  It is all amazing and I am so happy that I have been giving myself the time to step back and and admire the hard work that I have put in and the great job I have done. 

I know I have a lot more work to go, and this whole mommyhood thing is an ongoing, uphill battle, but right now it really feels like I have a lot of it under control.  I know that all can (and probably will) change tomorrow, but like I said.. I am taking it all in stride.