ok.. where do i begin? it's been way too long since i have been on here, but i kind of take that as a good thing. however, today.. well, today i just need to vent. i'm not even sure if i will post this, so if someone ever ends up reading this. well, good for you :/
a lot has changed since i posted last. where do i begin? had a baby. ok, well i guess that is really all that has changed.
things have been turned completely upside down in our house. this is pretty much a personal/small blog here, so most of you know (by my never ending complaining) that my husband works out of town. yes, i know i could have it totally worse.. not have a husband, have a husband that is gone even more than the one i already have. whatever. it sucks and i have earned the right to complain about it.
with having a husband gone all the time, also comes raising three muchkins (almost alone.. sorry ben, it's the truth) and all the housework. ok, really.. i know people have it worse. i know. but how the heck does my house get so messy. every. single. day?!?! for having such a large house you'd think i'd have one corner that is at least clean, but nope. that is not the case. so, where are we.. dealing with children (one of which is a baby who still insists on waking for a nighttime feeding) and cleaning and cooking (gosh, these boys can eat) and hauling (i see why the more children you have, the less likely they are to see the outside world).
i can't completely complain though, for the most part.. my kids are pretty dang awesome. yes, they drive me bonkers and sometimes i wish i could sell them (heck, even give them away), but then i really look at them. and i see what amazing and magical little creatures they are. the way they can make me laugh, look forward to the future and strive to be the best dang mom i can possibly be.
it's hard. motherhood.
even with this short post i sound like a bi-polar lunatic. think of it this way.. i feel these feelings all day. how confusing is that.
anyway.. this post was for all you mothers who sometimes hate your kids. i know you don't 'really' hate them, but somedays you feel like you kinda do. just know, you're not alone. i have been scouring the internet, trying to find another 'real' mom. one who doesn't have a spotless house. amazingly adorable pictures and stories of her adorable children. one who doesn't have it all together. well, i wasn't satisfied with how crappy of a mom some people were being, so i thought i would write this to let you know that you're not alone! haha... blabber, blabber, blabber.. i know. i'm writing and not getting anywhere.
so, here i am. i am a real mom. and most days i feel like i am treading water the best i can! i hope to be back here more often (as i hope you will be too)!