Wednesday, February 13, 2013

What I Want to Remember

some nights, like tonight, i sit at my computer and scroll through all my old pictures of the kids on Facebook. ugh.. it breaks my heart.  not in a bad way, per-se, but it's one of those 'i love them so much it hurts' types of things.. i'm sure all you mothers can relate.  anyways, while looking through them i notice there are a lot of little moments that probably no one else, besides maybe ben, really cares about. no one cares about preston's pudgy hands he had as an infant, or the insanely adorable gaps in his teeth when he was almost one.  no one cares about his sideways glances at the camera, as he tells me so much with his eyes and devilish smirk or that he wears his underwear backwards.  no one cares about his insane love for animals.

and no one cares about parker's toothless grin that he'd flash me while we'd cuddle in bed in the mornings.  no one cares about his long, messy, curls that he had. no one sees the old, sensitive soul, wise beyond the wee age of three, that i see.  no one cares about all the sound effects that he makes, and the faces that go with them.  no one cares about his curiosity and desire to learn, that you can literally see when he looks at something.

no one cares about spencer's 'scrunchy face' (that parker also made at the same age).  no one cares about his way of watching his big brothers, just waiting for the moment that he is old enough to do what they're doing.  no one cares about his adorable sleepy eyes when he wakes up or his pride when he masters a new skill (no matter how small it is).

but i do.  

i care about it all.  it may seem that i photograph the most ridiculous things at times... a detail shot of their hands while they're playing cars, or how uncomfortable they're sitting while they are reading, but those are the things that make up my days.

i often forget my camera when we actually 'go' somewhere, or i take it with but it never comes out of the bag.  for a split second, whenever we're leaving a place, i regret not taking pictures of the boys while we were there.  however, then i remember... sure i want to remember the good times we had while visiting the zoo, but that's not makes up the majority of my memories.  i want to forever remember the little things, that truly are the big things.  i know i will forget a lot of them, i already have, and that is why i am even more thankful for the random snapshots i have of their grubby faces and dirty fingers. that is what makes up my boys.  

they are messy. they are loud. they are rough. they are the thieves of my sanity and they are my everything. and the moments i share with them at home are my everything... the tears, the giggles, the bath times, the before-bed-stories, the cuddles.

so, to many of you, the pictures i post of my kids may not mean anything, but to me...
they. are. everything.

what do you want to remember about your kids?  
don't forget to capture that memory because, all too soon, you'll become distracted with another day and you'll forget that tiny thing that made up so much of who your child is.

Monday, February 4, 2013

'My Name is Betsy, and I am Addicted to...'

i'm sure many of you have read the article 'how to miss a childhood'... i know i have, a couple of times actually.  with that, i must admit that i am guilty.  i'm not guilty of all of it, but after reading it i did hang my head in shame a little bit.  so...

'hi. my name is betsy and i am addicted to my cell phone.'

it's pretty sad actually... i have all these 'rules' for the boys to earn screen time, but what about me?  i always check my phone, or computer (it is always on and my office is right next to the kitchen) with the intention 'oh.. they're playing so nicely, i'm just going to check it quick.'  well, quick turns into five minutes, which turns into ten and before you know it i've been on there thirty minutes (and the only thing that snapped me back to reality is one of my little men asking for my attention).  of course, that is followed by me getting annoyed that they're 'bugging' me and i get annoyed. ugh.. horrible!

not to mention my phone... 'oh, the cell phone.'  what a blessed curse it is.  don't get me wrong, i love that i can take pictures and videos so easily (not to mention mail them to ben, since he works out of town so much)... but again, it is vicious cycle... take a picture, 'edit' it with instagram, upload it to facebook, check facebook while i'm there, (again 5 minutes has passed), get an email notification while i'm on it, check email... you get the idea.

my new goal is to be here more for my kids.  follow their lead.  play games that i really don't want to play (i'm being honest here).  read books for the one millionth time (this week).

luckily, i have some good kids that know how to get my attention (besides screaming, of course)... they don't allow me to do the 'uh huh' back to them when they tell or ask me something, their questions always demand a REAL answer.... 'isn't it so sad that the bulldozer knocked over the tower?' 'uh huh, that's really sad.' 'why do you think it's sad, that is what a bulldozer is supposed to do?' 'damn... (in my head)'.

and the absolute best... 'mom, can you please drive with two hands.  it makes me really nervous when you're not concentrating on the road.'  well then, that surely puts someone in their place.  

anyways, i have started making a few rules/goals before i earn my own screen time (unless the kids are in bed, because then i have a date with downton abbey, no questions about it)

1. move my comfy office chair to the basement and sit on an uncomfortable folding whenever i want to sit at my computer.
2. have no dishes in the sink before i sit down at my computer
(i know these rules are pathetic... i'm a lazy bum... i'm giving you all a glimpse into my 'real' life)
3. turn my phone text messages on silent during the day... if it's really important, please call me
4. throw in a load of laundry before i sit down on my computer

i'm sure these will change and be updated, but for now... that is what i have.

i am off... my train track building abilities are being summonsed!