I started this post yesterday, but I fell asleep before I could finish it...
So, I just got done watching Dr. Phil and I don't think I will ever do that again! The title was something about having a 'brat' for a child and how you can change it. Then, they showed videos of the mothers interacting with their children. All I can say is, I WOULD be a brat if my parents treated me the way those parents did. As the hour continued, all I saw were mothers disrespecting their children and then expecting to get it in return. One mother literally followed her toddler around the house screaming at him. I didn't hear her talk in a normal voice during her whole video.
While watching, I realized that there are so many people that do not deserve their children! I am not saying it was all of the parents fault, but one example I have was when a child was crying and saying that he didn't want to go somewhere (I can't remember if it was the park or to run errands or something). The mother dragged him through the house and out to the car while yelling at him. It didn't once occur to the mother to lower her voice, be at the child's height and ask him WHY he didn't want to go. Instead it was all his fault and she made it known that he was inconveniencing HER! It made me want to grab my boys and smother them with kisses.
Then, Dr. Phil and some other doctor came on and started telling parents what they should do if their child is a 'brat' (yes... That was the word they used). I imagined all these mothers, sitting, watching this show who would think 'Well, he's a doctor, so he might be right,' instead of hearing what he had to say with a grain of salt. Dr. Phil had the audience take a quiz about what you should do to teach your child respect and responsibility. Keep in mind... The show's topic was about kids who were about four years old. So, one of the questions was something like... What should you do if your child doesn't clean their room after being told ince? (this was about teaching them responsibility) a. Clean it for them? b. Explain why it needs to be done and have them do it. c. Let them feel the consequences. I thought it was an easy one. I figured.. 'A four year old would most likely need a reminder to clean his room and it's not that difficult to give him a lesson that he should respect his things and put them away and take care of them' I guess I was wrong. You were supposed to let him feel the consequences. So, as Dr. Phil says (literally) 'if your child leaves their toys out (and remember these kids were four year olds) you are supposed to throw them away.' I really don't understand that. I could understand taking the toy away for a few days if the child has been repeatedly told to pick it up. But instead of having a conversation about it... You're just supposed to throw it in the trash. I don't know about you ladies, but I know we wouldn't have a single toy in the house if that was our rule. I guess I don't like the idea of teaching our children that everything is expendable. Yes, I know it is just a toy, but doesn't that just show him that it has no value and it can easily be thrown out?
Another thing topic that got me angry about something about temper tantrums. Dr. Phil said that if your child is throwing a temper tantrum you are just supposed to ignore them. I agree, to an extent. There have been times (in the middle of a store, of course) where Parker is done shopping and he would sit on the floor and refuse to move (luckily, that is a temper tantrum in our house). So, when that happens I try to remain calm, ask him what is the matter (he if gives me a reason, I immediately try to fix it) but otherwise I explain that I will wait for a certain amount if time, and at the end of that time I start walking away. However, I am doing the wrong thing... I guess I should pretend that I didn't even notice it to begin with and keep walking. I wish I could have been in the audience so I could have asked him... Does that not show my child that his wants and needs are not important? Even if I can't help him right then and there, at least I am giving him the time and opportunity to tell me what is wrong. I guess my child has too much free rein if I don't make him silently follow me through the store without asking any questions.
I have been trying to show Parker how to be more respectful to people and even his toys, so any chance that I could get a little practice myself... I think I would take it.
Well, that being said, I am off to bed (if my blood pressure lowers itself soon)!