Learning to Let Go...

So have been searching for a new topic for this blog post, and it was seeming quite difficult, until I realized that I have already started to reach one of my life goals as a parent.  I am proud to announce that I on the road of 'Letting Go.'

This started when we missed out on buying our 'dream' home.  For the split second our whole world seemed to be turned upside down with the horrible news, then I looked around and saw everything that I am so thankful for!  The handsome, healthy boys in my life, the beautiful house that I already call home, and the wonderful people that are in my life.  I suddenly didn't seem so upset.  I gave up the stress and tension that I had been carrying around for weeks, or even months, and REALLY realized that the life I have NOW is the life I want to live.  Of couse Ben and I have dreams of moving back to be closer to my family, but at this exact moment in our lives, it is not the best option.  And accepting that has been one of the most healthy things I have done in a long time.

Preston also isn't the 'robot baby' that his brother was, and I'm still not used to being woken up in the middle of the night, but I am learning that not all babies are the same.  Yes, I have known that fact for a very long time, but now I am actually LEARNING it!  Preston is one of the happiest babies I know, happier than Parker was, so if that is matched by his need to eat more than Parker did at night.. So be it.  I have decided to surrender myself to the immediate needs of my children, because in the end, I KNOW I will miss these days.  All too soon, Preston will be sleeping through the night and Parker will not need me to celebrate every successful potty visit, so I better take these wonderfully horrible moments while I can.

And as I'm sitting here, writing this post, and Parker has just run up to me with what seems like the tenth piece of candy from his Easter basket, I have realized that we WILL survive.  We may need to have to purge ourselves of treats for the next few weeks (we probably won't to be completely honest), but for today I have decided to let it go and let him be a kid.  I can deal with the chocolate mess later!  And with that.. I can feel the stress melt away and the whole Kelley family feel happier and healthier (maybe not 'healthier' with all the chocolate we've all eaten today, but you get my point).

Happy Easter everyone!  I hope you have a wonderful day celebrating with your loved ones!

Date Night?!?!

Ben came to visit us from Mankato and we decided to leave the boys with Nana and have a date night. Weird, I know! Went went to the Gap and walked around a bit, went to the grocery store to buy candy for the movie because I am cheap and went to Lincoln Lawyer. It was so much fun to be able to goof off and not need to strap a car seat in at every stop or stop for potty breaks. Don't get me wrong.. I absolutely love my children (I will get to that in a minute), but it was so nice to have time where the adults get to act like children. The movie was pretty good also!

After the movie we went out for pizza. We sat there for like two hours just talking. It was so refreshing to check in with each other and get on the same page about everything again. We talked about our goals in life, goals in parenting, goals of this whole project of the blog, drama going on in our lives, and of course we talked about the boys. I have catching a lot of heat lately because I'm not afraid to open my mouth and tell it how I see it, how I parent my kids and how much time I spend online. All I really have to say about all of that is, 'No one is making you read this. If you have a problem with what I am saying, please don't come back. I am not writing to please anyone but myself. I spend all of my days (and nights) worrying about others and trying to keep two little faces smiling. So, if I find a free moment, you're damn right I am going to spend it however I want.' That being said, I am very lucky to have a very supportive husband. He showers me with endless compliments about what I am doing and I could not be more thankful for that. He has a very tough job of being away for days at a time and that in return gives me a difficult job of being the only parent for days on end. If you have read my previous posts, you would see that I am not here to compete, so why is it so important for some people to try? I am not interested in having a 'pissing contest.' with any of you, so please stop challenging me! I do not have time to be fake or phony (I obviously have to use that time to check my facebook... Grrrr...) so please stop doing it yourself or asking me loaded questions. We all know I will not answer the way you want me to, so the outcome will not change.

When we started talking about the boys and how much they have made our lives worth living, I started crying to imagine them not here. Not only that, but being away from them for a couple of hours made me miss them so I cannot imagine how depressed I would be if I wasn't here all of them time to see how much Preston loves to smile and laugh or the insanely awesome and entertaining personlity that Parker has. I have so many great memories that happen everyday and these boys are my drug. I NEED them. Luckily, I know that. I use that to treasure them. Yes, they drive me bonkers at times, but that makes me enjoy the good moments even more. They are truly wonderful children (I think all kids are if you give them the love and attention they deserve) and I believe that is in part to the great job that Ben and I do. You can choose to disgree (as I am sure that some of you will), but I think we make our children happy, loving boys. Yes, I agree that they were born with some parts of their personality, but I think Preston is such a happy baby because we make him happy. He doesn't just sit there and smile on his own. Our interactions with him are what makes him smile and giggle. You can't expect a baby to smile if he has never seen one.

And what do my children have to worry about? They know I am they're constant. The only time I have been away from Parker for an extended amount of time was to deliver Preston, and Preston hasn't been luck enough to have time away from yet. :) I know their cries and I bring solutions to their problems. I may have a two minute delay if one is using the potty or getting a diaper change, but if my children ask for my attention while I am on my computer, I give it to them. They are always fed and for the most part clean. :) Our home is a safe, loving enviornment where they come first. So until you can prove otherwise, I would really appreciate if worried about parenting your children and I parented mine.

And as we were ending our date, and driving home, I hit a beaver. Yes, a beaver! Ben has pictures of the massive thing if you're interested... It was a nice, comical, way to end a date night that turned pretty serious. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that Ben and I can sit for hours and not run out of things to talk about, but hitting the beaver was just icing on the cake! Ha...

Well, I should probably get off the computer now, bring Parker inside after playing with Nana and get ready before Preston wakes up so we can run some errands. Until later... Xoxo...

Before I Was A Mom...

A friend turned me on go some great (hilliarious) videos posted by a mother of two. It got me thinking about the things I swore I would never do. I don't know about you all, but now it seems like that list has turned in to my 'Mommyhood Bucket List'. It seems more like they are things every mother MUST do before their children start preschool.

I swore I would never drive a minivan... Can you guess what my next car will be? I used to walk past a minivan and gag at the thought if being 'that mom' with Cheerios stuck to her butt, spit up on her shoulder, no make up on and a note reminding her to shower. Now I walk past a minivan and it need to use all my might to keep from drooling on the windows. Everything about them looks apealing and I cannot wait to start car shopping someday!

I also promised myself that I would never let my kids eat in the car. 'Ha!' is all that can be said about that! I think the boys and I could survive more than a week on all the crumbs in my car if we ever get stranded somewhere!

I told myself that I would never check out and do the 'smile, nod, 'uh huh'' reply to my child when they are telling me something they think is really important or when they do the constant 'Mom, Mommy, Mmmoooommmm, Mama, Mom,' but I can make that goal as a giant FAIL.

I swore my children would always be dressed and look like they just stepped out of the Baby Gap catalog. Then, I had children... Parker just ran around naked for the past six hours and I think he wore pajamas when we went out in public yesterday (with a nice accessory of pizza stuck to his face).

I was never going to allow my kids watch a movie while we were in the car. They can sit quietly or talk to my while we are in the car. Now, if the ride is an hour or more... Toy Story is put in the DVD player and we are all a little happier when we get to our destination!

Moral of the story, I guess I have learned to never say never. But the boys are asleep so I think I am going to go, how do you say it, shower?

Emotional?... Me?... Never!...

I am sitting here, holding Preston as he sleeps (yes.. I am typing at the same time) and I am having this surge of emotion.  There are so many things I want to tell him, so many things I want to protect him from, but most of all.. There are so many things I envy him for.

I can think of so many life lessons that I wish I could tell him... To save him from heartache, hurt feelings and even hang overs.  I know the world can be a great place, but 'Momma Bear' is out in full force right now and all I can think about is the challenges that he will face in life (all too soon may I add).  I just wish I could be one of those crazy parents that protects their child from everything, but I know that would be, well.. Crazy. 

Instead, the much healthier thing for me to do is share my concerns and let him make his own decisions, even if they result in failure, and help him to celebrate or recover from the end result.  A lot easier said than done, I would like to add.  I just feel that along with cook, housekeeper, nurse, teacher (etc.), guardian is included in my job description.  I know I have to let the boys 'live', so I guess I better practice 'letting go' now. 

Not that I am a 'Debby Downer', but seriously.. When you think about it, the world is a pretty mean place and my main worries include such scary thoughts...

I just wish I could protect the boys from bullies and other mean people.  Luckily, when they are this age, I get to pretty much determine who their friends are and I am the one choosing who they spend their time with.  However, pretty soon that will all change.  I'd like to think that I am raising two, very sweet boys and I don't want that to be ruined because of some idiots who think it's 'cool' to be asses.

I want to protect them from other people's insecurities, so Parker and Preston can grow up to be what ever they want to be and be completely happy doing it!  I truly don't care what they boys want to do with their lives as long it's not hurting others and they are happy.  This goes along with the stupid idiots who may think it's funny to tease other people and be mean, but I just hope that my boys are comfortable enough that they stay true to themselves.  Right now my proudest moments have included the boys being born and the milestones they have achieved since then, but some of my proudest moments to come will be times where my children are challenged and just continue to be themselves.  I really hope I teach the boys what values are important to them and to stand up for those values.

I never want them to have to experience loss or heartache.  Vomit... I don't even want to think about this.  This is by far my biggest fear.  Yes, people can be jerks and the boys would have to deal with that.  But this problem is so much more tricky.  You can't just ignore it like you would be able to ignore a bully.  It is such a personal pain and I can't bare the thought of them having to go through something as difficult as losing someone important to them.

And as much as I want to protect them, there are so many things they get to do that I am jealous of...

The world is their playground to imagine, create and grow.  I know it is also MY playground, but it is so different to see the world through the eyes of a child (and for that I am jealous beyond words).  There are endless possibilities for them and they are SUPPOSED to make mistakes.  The way they see the world is so innocent.  Seriously, at least from my perspective, the worst thing that has ever happened to Parker is that a child has taken a toy from him or I have made him take a nap.  I know there are more feelings that go along with those actions, but wouldn't it be amazing to believe that everything will always be taken care of and that everything will be ok?

Everyday they learn something new. Can you imagine how interesting it would be if you learned something new everyday?  I get jealous of Parker when he learns something as simple as a new word, the color of something or the science behind the fact that the sun is out during the day and the moon comes out when it's time to sleep.  I just hope I encourage their curiosity and passion to learn while their lives are so care free.

They get to have their first kiss (not for a VERY long time, may I add) and all of those amazing memories to come.  I remember those awesome feelings of winning something, learning something new or even the feelings of being young and niave.  Wouldn't it be so refreshing to live your life the way a high schooler does?  I can only speak for myself, but my main worries were homework and sporting events.  The world seemed so interesting and I was so eager to get out there and do something. 

'Oh boys, I can already tell that you're going to cause Mommy a lot of stress someday'... As long as they throw some good in with the bad and are somewhat willing to listen to my advise I think I will make it (and if they don't, I will just have to wrap them in bubble wrap and monitor every person they interact with)...

Happy to Forget...

So, I obviously told you all about the horrible night that I got to share with the boys.  Luckily, that horrible night was just that, a horrible night.  Nothing more, nothing less... We were all a little crabby the next day, but we fell into our routine and I am very excited to report that Parker was sleeping soundly the next night.  With that, Preston thought it would be very sweet to only get up once (sadly his diaper was soaked through so he got a clothing change in the middle of the night).  I don't get why I wake up more tired when I have good nights compared to the 'not so good nights'.  Either way.. I'll take what I can get!

I am very happy to share that I am successfully working on the priority list that I made... I was so happy to spend the day with the boys (and Auntie Shelly, Bapa Steve and Nana Annie).  Preston has been working so hard to sit up, babble and has been laughing uncontrollably.  It is pretty easy to make him laugh because he has the same sense of humor that Parker did at that age (weird noises, people getting hurt and being scared is a sure way to get him to laugh).  He has also been passing out kisses left and right (and his Mama is very willing to accept them).  Ahhh... I could just bite him he's so damn cute!

These last few days have been so much fun and if they are any indicator of the way Parker and I's relationship will go, I think I found my best friend.  Minus the very annoying, 'Mom, Mommy, Mmmmooommm, Mama'... Everything that has been coming out of his mouth as been a riot.  He knows how to  make my day and is very willing to do whatever it takes to do it.  Parker was always a lover, but I've been noticing that he is a lot more sensitive than I give him credit for.  He is insanely great with Preston and has been such a sweet boy lately that I truly have tears in my eyes thinking about the awesome little boy he is becoming. 

Well, I am very happy these last couple days have helped me to forget the horrible night that once was.  Hopefully tonight will continue to go smoothly so we can make more adventures tomorrow.

'Ouchie Mommy'

I have never felt more helpless in my entire life...

Parker is teething and it is by far the worst experience he has had! He woke up screaming last night, and I mean SCREAMING! I felt so bad that there was nothing I could do but hold him. I could feel the pain radiating through his body as his whole body would clench and his knees would shoot up to his chest, bringing him to the fetal position. It was bringing me to tears so we laid on my parents couch and watched tv... I even stooped as low as to give him a bottle. So, the formula, his silky blanky and I tried to work our magic to console him. We did what we could, but let me just say... Last night was a LONG night. Luckily I am at my parent's house so Grandma cuddled with him once the baby woke up to eat. Last night would have been filled with many more tears (mostly from me) if we would have been home, in Saint Cloud.

So if one child in pain isn't enough.. I get to have two! Preston is recovering from an ear infection (thanks airplane traveling) and he is also working on a couple of teeth himself. I just hope his come in the way his brother's did (until now) because it was like Parker would go to bed and wake up with a tooth, with no problems (however, he was my little 'robot' baby).

I am going to cut this short because they are both asleep and I don't know how awful tonight will be, so I am going to try to get any sleep that I can! Hopefully tomorrow's post will be a little more amusing!