Monday, April 4, 2011

Emotional?... Me?... Never!...

I am sitting here, holding Preston as he sleeps (yes.. I am typing at the same time) and I am having this surge of emotion.  There are so many things I want to tell him, so many things I want to protect him from, but most of all.. There are so many things I envy him for.

I can think of so many life lessons that I wish I could tell him... To save him from heartache, hurt feelings and even hang overs.  I know the world can be a great place, but 'Momma Bear' is out in full force right now and all I can think about is the challenges that he will face in life (all too soon may I add).  I just wish I could be one of those crazy parents that protects their child from everything, but I know that would be, well.. Crazy. 

Instead, the much healthier thing for me to do is share my concerns and let him make his own decisions, even if they result in failure, and help him to celebrate or recover from the end result.  A lot easier said than done, I would like to add.  I just feel that along with cook, housekeeper, nurse, teacher (etc.), guardian is included in my job description.  I know I have to let the boys 'live', so I guess I better practice 'letting go' now. 

Not that I am a 'Debby Downer', but seriously.. When you think about it, the world is a pretty mean place and my main worries include such scary thoughts...

I just wish I could protect the boys from bullies and other mean people.  Luckily, when they are this age, I get to pretty much determine who their friends are and I am the one choosing who they spend their time with.  However, pretty soon that will all change.  I'd like to think that I am raising two, very sweet boys and I don't want that to be ruined because of some idiots who think it's 'cool' to be asses.

I want to protect them from other people's insecurities, so Parker and Preston can grow up to be what ever they want to be and be completely happy doing it!  I truly don't care what they boys want to do with their lives as long it's not hurting others and they are happy.  This goes along with the stupid idiots who may think it's funny to tease other people and be mean, but I just hope that my boys are comfortable enough that they stay true to themselves.  Right now my proudest moments have included the boys being born and the milestones they have achieved since then, but some of my proudest moments to come will be times where my children are challenged and just continue to be themselves.  I really hope I teach the boys what values are important to them and to stand up for those values.

I never want them to have to experience loss or heartache.  Vomit... I don't even want to think about this.  This is by far my biggest fear.  Yes, people can be jerks and the boys would have to deal with that.  But this problem is so much more tricky.  You can't just ignore it like you would be able to ignore a bully.  It is such a personal pain and I can't bare the thought of them having to go through something as difficult as losing someone important to them.

And as much as I want to protect them, there are so many things they get to do that I am jealous of...

The world is their playground to imagine, create and grow.  I know it is also MY playground, but it is so different to see the world through the eyes of a child (and for that I am jealous beyond words).  There are endless possibilities for them and they are SUPPOSED to make mistakes.  The way they see the world is so innocent.  Seriously, at least from my perspective, the worst thing that has ever happened to Parker is that a child has taken a toy from him or I have made him take a nap.  I know there are more feelings that go along with those actions, but wouldn't it be amazing to believe that everything will always be taken care of and that everything will be ok?

Everyday they learn something new. Can you imagine how interesting it would be if you learned something new everyday?  I get jealous of Parker when he learns something as simple as a new word, the color of something or the science behind the fact that the sun is out during the day and the moon comes out when it's time to sleep.  I just hope I encourage their curiosity and passion to learn while their lives are so care free.

They get to have their first kiss (not for a VERY long time, may I add) and all of those amazing memories to come.  I remember those awesome feelings of winning something, learning something new or even the feelings of being young and niave.  Wouldn't it be so refreshing to live your life the way a high schooler does?  I can only speak for myself, but my main worries were homework and sporting events.  The world seemed so interesting and I was so eager to get out there and do something. 

'Oh boys, I can already tell that you're going to cause Mommy a lot of stress someday'... As long as they throw some good in with the bad and are somewhat willing to listen to my advise I think I will make it (and if they don't, I will just have to wrap them in bubble wrap and monitor every person they interact with)...

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