The Ups and Downs of Mommyhood...

Exhausted. Proud. Sad. Excited. What do those four words have in common?  They are all describing how I feel this very moment.

Exhausted... I am a mother of two little ones.. Need I say more? Haha.. I will anyways.  Ok, where do I begin.  Well, Preston isn't the robot baby that Parker was and has been having some sleep issues (I will cover that more in a minute).  I have been so insanely busy this week that I don't know what to do with myself.  Between five playdates so far, a dinner date, two appointments with the boys, remembering snack for school tomorrow (I am reminding myself there, by the way), planning a reunion, having a baby baptized, having a baby turn two (which is very mentally exhausting, if you ask me), and planning a party to celebrate the baptism and birthday... I think I found time to shower once this week.  I honestly don't remember if that is a joke or if I am serious.  Either way.. If I did not feel a strong emotional urge to write this, I woud most definately be sleeping right now.  So.. You better enjoy it!

Proud... I know this may sound a little insane, but I am going to toot my own horn right now (get ready)... Ok, so like I said before, Preston has been having sleep issues.  Here is what our nights have turned into... Put him down around 7:30.  He goes down without a problem.  He gets put in his crib awake and falls asleep no problem.  Around 10 he wakes up. Around 12 he wakes up. Around 2 he wakes up. Around 4 he wakes up. Around 6 he wakes up. Then, finally at 7:30 he comes into bed with me and the boys and I cuddle before we start our days.  Ok, so about him waking up a million times.  He wakes up crying.  He barely eats.  He does not open his eyes.  Most of the time I massage his lower back and he goes right back to sleep.  And I am not just talking about barely rubbing his back.. I mean really massaging!  Odd, don't you think?  A six month old (eek.. he's already six months) should not be in pain and especially need massages every night.  So, I took it upon myself to solve this problem.  I took him to the chiropractor on Wednesday and Dr. Shawn noticed that his whole left hip is locked into place.  I sat there, listening, while he explained some of the things I may have noticed... And then I shared the things I noticed with him.. When I hold Preston on my left hip, he is just fine.  When I hold him on my right, he completely faces forward so he is completely turned away from his left hip (Dr. Shawn believes this is because Preston wanted to keep that leg as straight as possible and that was the only way to relieve the pressure).  I also noticed that Preston sits up insanely straight (Dr. Shawn said that was pretty much the same thing and if I let this problem go unnoticed, Preston may not have ever formed the natural curve in his back that is supposed to be there).  So, little things that I am happy that I DIDN'T let go unnoticed, turned out to be a major issue and I am just proud of myself for taking the little man in and hopefully we will all be able to solve this problem.  So yes.. I am proud I fulfilled my job as a mother this week and thought outside the box to get him the care that he so obviously needs!

Sad... I am writing this on the eve of Parker's second birthday.  Yes, second!  Where in the heck did my little baby go?  I know I have 'newer model', but still... The things he says and does everyday should not be happening.  Two.  Seriously.  Where did that time go?

Excited... With that feeling of sadness at the thought (ok.. truth) that Parker is growing up, also comes an overwhelming feeling of excitement.  He has grown into such an amazing little human being in these last two years (as fast as they may have gone) and I feel so much joy when I think about so many things when I think of the future.  What type of boy will he continue to grow to be?  What amazing adventures will he/we/our entire family have in the coming years? What interesting things will he learn?  How will I find a way to handle all of this without my heart exploding?  These last couple of years have been a roller coaster for our family, and I just thank God everyday that our highs seem to out number our lows.  I have so much to be thankful for and I am so excited to see what other blessings God decides to give us.. Kelley Baby Numero Tres maybe? Haha.. Only time will tell!

So ladies and gentlemen... That is that. And the part that I find the most sickening out of all of it is.. I love what I am doing.  As crabby, exhausted, and smelly as I may be at times.. I LOVE MY JOB! Ok, I am overly emotional I guess and I should probably stop writing before the tears start coming.  Crap, too late!  Well, I have too much to do and I do not have time to cry right now.  So, I hope this post finds you at the right time and reminds you that it is all over way too soon, so we best take advantage of every moment while we still can.  Night all!

I Should Be Cleaning...

FYI.. The title of this post has nothing to do with the actual post.  It's just the truth!

So, today I was checking out some cute quotes to add to some pictures and to the boys' scrapbooks.  I stumbled on one that was truly meant for me, especially for the next couple of weeks...

'We've begun to raise our daughters more like sons, but few have the courage to raise their sons like daughters.' -Gloria Steinem

Ahhh.. I can't even begin to describe how much I needed to hear that today, but I will try!

Parker's second birthday is less then two weeks away (tear) and for the past five months I have been batting around gift ideas for Ben and I to get him.  He's the typical boy... If it has wheels, makes noise, or has something to do with sports.. He loves it.  But there is also another side to my wonderful little man, and that is the side that I really want to encourage.  Parker also enjoys being creative (painting is huge on his list right now), learning (he has also been more obsessed than normal with books and workbooks) and being caring and compassionate (especially to Preston).  Right now I have this feeling that I want and need to help him be as caring and compassionate that I possibly can before it becomes 'uncool' to be an innocent sweetheart!  So, what are we getting him for his birthday you ask? 

A dollhouse.  Yes, a dollhouse.  Ben is actually planning on making one, but either way.. A dollhouse. 

Why?  There are many different reasons (and depending on how long this takes me, I may get to all of them), but it all started when I would watch him play while he was ECFE.  Everyday he would make his way over to the dollhouse.  Not that he would spend the entire two hours there, but everyday, without fail, he would in some way or another show interest in it.  It is so adorable to watch him play with it... 'Girl, sleep' he would say as he would tuck the little girl in to go to bed.  'Daddy, house' he would add, as he would have the dad walk though the living room.  Not to mention the fact that everyday he would hug the little 'dolls' (yes.. my SON plays with DOLLS) and say goodbye.  It was enough to make my heart melt!

At first I thought it was cute, but the more I watched what he was doing.. The more I realized he SHOULD be doing that.  Why is it not ok for a little boy to play house?  I started thinking about what he was learning/doing while he was playing with the dollhouse and the benefits definately outweighed the 'risks.'  I want my son to be a well rounded boy/man/husband someday and creating his own little family at the age of two will get him on track to do that.  He will get to role play different family dynamics and enter his own little world.  Not only that, but the dolls at school are all different ethnicities/genders/sizes/ages and never once has he noticed a difference or show a preference.  All I have seen, at this point, is that 'the mommy gives the baby a kiss and puts them to sleep or the daddy sits on the couch with his son' no matter what color their skin is.  And isn't that how it should be also?  I am constantly in awe at his innocence and I want to harbor his acceptance of others, individuality, compassion for others, and thoughtfulness as long as I possibly can. If there those of you out there that doing this will damage my child or even worse make him *gay* (eek!), I want you to tell me that so I can laugh in your face.  (Did I mention his favorite color right now is purple? The poor kid is doomed).

Parker and his baby

I'll admit, I questioned getting him a dollhouse, but not becuase I was afraid it would *make* him gay (in my opinion, he is going to be homosexual someday, that decision will not be made because I bought him a dollhouse), but I was afraid that he might be made fun... not now, but later.  I just don't want him to have friends over when he's five and some stupid kid mocks him for having it.  Then again, I am hoping my children will not be friends with boneheads like that.. So, I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it.  I also am partically worried about the 'heat' I will catch for him having it.  I was surprised at the reaction of one of the gifts he got for his first birthday.. A baby and a stoller. My main reasoning for asking someone to get that for him was because I was due with Preston and I thought it would be great for Parker to have his 'own' baby to take care of.  Guess what?  I was right!  Not to mention the fact that it was one of his favorite presents.

So. long story short.. Parker is getting a dollhouse for his birthday and heck.. we might even paint it purple! Haha..

What It All Comes Down To...

These last couple of weeks have been pretty difficult for me... I am a HUGE 'planner' and I hate not knowing what the next day will bring. So, you can understand my frustration of not being sure of where we're going to live or what we're going to do. However, as everything was falling into place, I decided to step back and evaluate the life that I live. Not the life we might live in five years, but the one we're living now. This very moment.

And there is only one word that can express how I feel about it... Blessed.

I have been blessed with an a.maze.ing family. Words cannot express the graditude that I have for all of the support that Ben and I have received. Even if we dont always see eye to eye on everything... I know I have some truly amazing people backing me with ever decision that I make.

I have been blessed with an absolutely wonderful husband. He takes on so much and still has time and love for the boys and I. And at times when it seems like the world is plotting against us (or when Preston has woke up for the fourth time in one night), we are there together and it is an amazing reminder that I am not alone and that I will never be alone for the rest of my life.

I have been blessed with two beautiful boys. They are my sunshine and truly the reason that I try to be a better person everyday (I'm not saying I always succeed, but I'm only human and I'm giving it my all). The love and compassion that they have for everyone/everything they meet is breathtaking. It has been so much fun to come this far with them and I cannot wait to see where our future takes us because I know it will be somewhere outstanding. The boys have taught me so much about myself and I am forever grateful for that. They have shown me how to be happy. Not that I wasn't happy before I had children but the moment I became a mother my idea of happiness changed. I was recently looking at some 'old' pictures of myself (aka pre-children) and my first thought was 'Damn... I look good', but then I brought my mind back to those memories and no, I didn't look good. I looked good in the sense that I didn't have the stretch marks, bags under my eyes, or greasy ponytail that I am sporting these days, but in those pictures I didn't 'feel' good. Now, I feel good. I may have a few pounds that I'd like to lose and I really want to get some sort of tan on this pale skin, but with all of that (and more) I feel like a million bucks. I can't explain how amazing it feels to love yourself. All I can say is that I hope people know what I am talking about. I will one day have to thank Parker and Preston for that.

I have been blessed with some great friends. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by some amazing women who understand me. Again, we may not always see eye to eye on everything, but our friendships are strong enough to understand that and know that is ok. I am in awe at the strength that some of these women have and they have also taught me so much about myself that I would have probably never otherwise learned if I hadnt felt comfortable enough to do so. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have their support.

I know I did a post like this before, so sorry if some of it sounds familiar, but I feel like I have been given so many wonderful things in my life and sometimes when I stand back and take it all in I don't know why I was chosen to receive some great blessings. I understand that my life isn't perfect, but with these blessings it feels pretty damn close. I just hope I can continue to grow and learn and give thanks for everything in my life, not just the good.

I hope this post leaves also feeling blessed for some things in your life. We all deserve happiness and I am so thankful that I have found mine.

The Itch I Can't Scratch.. For Now!

So I have had this horrible itch that I haven't been able to reach in awhile... The worst part is the fact that I think the itch is spreading. So.. I think I should just give in to the temptation and scratch the itch.

I need to to CREATE something... Anything at this point!

I have been surfing the web and as a result I have found some freakin' amazing projects that I need to learn how to make... Sewing, crocheting, scrapbooking, decorating... You name it, I want to do it!

I'm trying to return to the creative world with baby steps.. I recently worked on Parker and Preston's scrapbooks, but it doesn't feel like enough right now.

I recently thought of a few goals I have that will hopefully help me live a more creative life:
*Learn to crochet. There is a class offered at the local craftstore that I am hoping to sign up for. I know some of the most basic things, but I would be really nice to have someone there to help me if I needed it. They also have a 'crochet/knitting' night once a week, so that might be fun to hit up a couple times a month also!
*Purchase a new sewing machine (and learn how to actually use it). I had one from like the 70's or 80's, but it turned out to be more stressful than creative to try to sew on that thing!
*Learn how to actually 'use' my camera. I am totally wasting that amazing piece of equipment by shooting on auto all the time!
*Find a intereting piece of furniture and repaint it. Boring sounding.. I know, but I read a blog about giving something the aged/cottage feel and I think it would be so fun to create something like that.

I will let you all know how these goals and this urge to create pan out... But for now I am off to bed!

Isn't it a Human Soul?

I need to do a clarifying I guess... And I am sure I will feel the wrath of those around me because I am positive the following post with either
a. offend someone
b. piss someone off
c. start a very large argument
d. all of the above

But here goes..
I previously posted on my facebook account that I, personally, did not find joy in the death of Osama bin Laden. I stated that I felt sick by the whole situation and that I am neither happy nor sad by his death. However, I am VERY upset by the things that are being written in celebration of the death of another human being.

(Five minute pause because I feel like I need to tread very lightly because even I am very confused about the emotions I am feeling)

If people were all celebrating the fact that he has been captured (I purposefully didn't say 'the fact that he can no longer do harm' and I will get to that point in a minute), I would be on that bandwagon, but when I hear people's excitement for his DEATH, doesn't that seem a little hypocritical? (And yes... I know I just upset many people) I know he is probably one of the farthest people from innocence, but here is one point I have been thinking about... Bin Laden found joy in the deaths of other humans and he was called him a monster, and people are now finding joy in the death of him (another human) and I find that a little ironic to be honest.

I also hear people celebrating the fact that we now have closure. All I have to say is, 'You're kidding right?' I understand the people who lost loved ones in 9/11 wanted someone to pay for what was done, but I really hope they are aware of the events that can follow this 'celebration.' Bin Laden still had many followers and I can guarantee that one of them is more than willing to rise to power and take over command where he left off (just another thing to think about before you get to comfy with the idea that he is gone).

I truthfully don't know if these feelings I have are sprouted by the fact that I now have children or if I would have felt this way to begin with. At this time in my life I guess it is just the fact that I don't to teach my children to find happiness in anyone's hardships, misfortunes, or deaths (even if that person can't do the same). Of course I wish my boys could grow up in a world where Armed Forces were a thing of the past and not necessary for the comfort and security of all the world's citizens, but I am more realistic than that. So, for the time being I will take this time to teach them to take pride in humanity and hopefully give them the tools to show everyone some sort of respect (even if they don't deserve it).

And with this post, I think I have been removed from a few peoples' facebook friend lists...