Thursday, May 5, 2011

What It All Comes Down To...

These last couple of weeks have been pretty difficult for me... I am a HUGE 'planner' and I hate not knowing what the next day will bring. So, you can understand my frustration of not being sure of where we're going to live or what we're going to do. However, as everything was falling into place, I decided to step back and evaluate the life that I live. Not the life we might live in five years, but the one we're living now. This very moment.

And there is only one word that can express how I feel about it... Blessed.

I have been blessed with an family. Words cannot express the graditude that I have for all of the support that Ben and I have received. Even if we dont always see eye to eye on everything... I know I have some truly amazing people backing me with ever decision that I make.

I have been blessed with an absolutely wonderful husband. He takes on so much and still has time and love for the boys and I. And at times when it seems like the world is plotting against us (or when Preston has woke up for the fourth time in one night), we are there together and it is an amazing reminder that I am not alone and that I will never be alone for the rest of my life.

I have been blessed with two beautiful boys. They are my sunshine and truly the reason that I try to be a better person everyday (I'm not saying I always succeed, but I'm only human and I'm giving it my all). The love and compassion that they have for everyone/everything they meet is breathtaking. It has been so much fun to come this far with them and I cannot wait to see where our future takes us because I know it will be somewhere outstanding. The boys have taught me so much about myself and I am forever grateful for that. They have shown me how to be happy. Not that I wasn't happy before I had children but the moment I became a mother my idea of happiness changed. I was recently looking at some 'old' pictures of myself (aka pre-children) and my first thought was 'Damn... I look good', but then I brought my mind back to those memories and no, I didn't look good. I looked good in the sense that I didn't have the stretch marks, bags under my eyes, or greasy ponytail that I am sporting these days, but in those pictures I didn't 'feel' good. Now, I feel good. I may have a few pounds that I'd like to lose and I really want to get some sort of tan on this pale skin, but with all of that (and more) I feel like a million bucks. I can't explain how amazing it feels to love yourself. All I can say is that I hope people know what I am talking about. I will one day have to thank Parker and Preston for that.

I have been blessed with some great friends. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by some amazing women who understand me. Again, we may not always see eye to eye on everything, but our friendships are strong enough to understand that and know that is ok. I am in awe at the strength that some of these women have and they have also taught me so much about myself that I would have probably never otherwise learned if I hadnt felt comfortable enough to do so. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have their support.

I know I did a post like this before, so sorry if some of it sounds familiar, but I feel like I have been given so many wonderful things in my life and sometimes when I stand back and take it all in I don't know why I was chosen to receive some great blessings. I understand that my life isn't perfect, but with these blessings it feels pretty damn close. I just hope I can continue to grow and learn and give thanks for everything in my life, not just the good.

I hope this post leaves also feeling blessed for some things in your life. We all deserve happiness and I am so thankful that I have found mine.

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