I've got a little venting to do... (just a warning)
So... I am getting really sick of people putting themselves on a high horse because they're still breastfeeding, use cloth diapers or have uncircumcised children. I am not saying that mothers shouldn't do that and that I disagree with those choices, but please stop cramming those topics down my throat! Please note.. I am NOT talking about everyone that I know who happen to do these things, there are a select few that I am talking about (and even people I don't know who have been posting these topics everywhere I turn lately).
I understand and support the fact that everyone parents differently and has different choices on what is right for them and their families, so I just ask that everyone has that open mind. Just because you breastfed longer than I did doesn't mean you love your children any more than I do or that your way is any better than mine. I still provide nourishment for my children and believe me.. We still have our cuddle time where we get to reconnect!
My boys have circumcised penises, were on formula once they were three months old, and my diaper pail is full of disposable diapers... But guess what... I love those kids with my whole heart. I used the information that I had and my gut feelings to decide what was best for us.
Again, I am not saying you should or shouldn't do certain things... I am just asking that you sensor the way you tell people. Ok.. I am done complaining.. For now :)
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ReplyDeleteAnd its not just the way these kind of people shove this information down our throats, its how they react when you aren't doing it exactly like them.
I think there are problems on both sides of these issues...
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand people tend to assume that moms who are passionate about these issues are just indulging superiority complexes, like it's all about being better than someone else. In reality, most of us who make these choices like to talk about them because we care so deeply about moms and babies that we want them to know what we maybe wish we had known or are thankful we found out before making a decision for our family.
Then on the other hand there are the people who are misguided in that passion. They put their energy into pushing moms toward their point of view instead of addressing the issue at the level of the problem (the system that flat out lies to women about the risks of formula, the society that continues to marginalize and reject breastfeeding women, the medical community that refuses to give honest and full information about circumcision prior to consent, the government that refuses to extend equal human rights to baby boys).
There's a big difference between sharing information and belittling, manipulating, or judging. Sometimes moms get caught up in the issues and forget the people. They lose sight of the fact that every mom loves her kids and does the very best she can with the resources and information she has at the time. And on the other side, there are the moms who react defensively to information alone, who aren't being judged but who blame other people for feelings of guilt. It's all really messy, right? :)
If any of us say we haven't made decisions for our children we wish we could change, we'd be lying. But the important thing is that we look at those things honestly so we don't repeat mistakes. I think it's a shame when moms get too caught up in defending their positions (on either side) to see the facts for what they are, because it cheats them and their families out of the benefit of making future decisions with more information than they previously had.
The bottom line: I think we could all benefit from a little more openness and acceptance! We're all missing out on an awesome community of mommy support by shutting each other out, putting each other down and competing instead of cooperating.
Thanks for sitting through my rant...haha! *stepping down from the soap box* Nothing but love for ALL mommies here :)
WOW...I think that Betsy and Meredith both have fabulous points...you should NOT belittle someone because they made a different decision than them! Breastfeeding is such a fabulous option, however long you do it, and it doesn't make you a bad mom for doing things different...one thing that I really struggle with is taking things personally. If you've ever read the book, the Four Agreements (its fabulous), one of the agreements is to "NOT take things personally" because it could mean accepting someone else's negativity. There is just too much out there in society anyway!
ReplyDeleteHere are some things that Betsy did different than me...Parker had no problem transitioning to a big boy bed earlier than Gretta AND he's nearly potty trained...so, doing things different isn't always a bad thing (she's just super mom!). I love you Betsy!