Just Another Manic Monday...

So today I felt is very overwhelming urge toncry. I don't know why and I didn't actually, but all day I've just had a really bad case of the Mondays.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that Mondays are my first day alone again until Ben gets back into town, but either way... I don't like it. It also really doesn't help that I had a horrible migrane. To all of you who have had one, you know what I mean when I say if left like my brain was going to explode and that my eyes were going to burst out of my head, and if you have never had the opportunity to have one... I promise that I will not wish the feeling of one on you. Luckily, some extra strength Tylenol, a nap and some mac and cheese seemed to cure it. It just drives me bonkers that I don't get them when I am pregnant... You know what that means? Ha.. Right!

It probably doesn't help that this weather is very depressing. I think I am going to go tanning a couple of times next winter just so I'm not such a Debbie Downer. I swear, I feel bi-polar. This whole 'Mommyhood Bliss' journey has been going really good, so that makes me happy and want to cry and then two seconds later I feel so exhausted that I feel like I am going to cry. Hormones and lack of sleep are probably two of my least favorite things right now! I just wish It was summer (heck, I'd take spring) and Ben was home every night. Sometimes I feel so tired and anxious for bedtime because I'm worried at how Preston will sleep, so I stay up thinking he will be up any minute and those are the nights he sleeps wonderfully! Oh well, if that is all I have to complain about, I think I'm doing ok!

However, I have a couple of very good things to report...

While shopping today, Parker stopped me to tell me that he needed to go potty. It's not his first time doing it in public, but since potty training has lost the fun for both Parker and I, it was a huge success. Plus, it was pretty cute to see how excited he was when an elderly lady congratulated him for making it in time.

I recently bought the boys some different colored animal posters to hang in the playroom so we could practice animals, colors and shapes and it quickly because Parker's new favorite activity. It was adorable to watch him do his 'crazy laugh' (a laugh where he bends at the waist, twiddles his fingers and literally laugh like a crazy person) when he got them right. My silly little lunatic!

We've also been working on manners. 'No thank you' and 'Yes please' are high on that list. So it was pretty cute when I asked him if I could give him a smooch and he replied, 'No dey do' (thank you) while tilting his head to the side like he does when the words 'thank you'come out of his mouth! Ahhhh... He melts my heart.

I've got another little man that melts my heart (besides Ben of course). Preston was so happy today. I love to watch him smile and laugh. It is especially adorable to watch how excited he gets when Parker talks to sings to him. I am so excited to see what shanannigans those two get into when they're older (and yes, I know I will regret saying that later).

Well, it is off to bed for his momma.

Those Who Matter, Won't Care...

The wise Dr. Seuss once said:
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!

I think that should be the motto of mommyhood. Continuing from yesterday's post, I've realized that other mommies aren't competition and if they WANT to be, they I don't have time for them.

I do have time for the friendships that make me feel respected. Over the past year and a half I have been given the great opportunity to meet some amazing mothers and with that came some beautiful friendships. I truly owe that to Parker... Because of him I joined MOMS Club, enrolled in ECFE classes and attended story times at the library. And with all of those came very enriching relationships!

Those wonderful ladies have helped me to learn to trust my own instincts when it comes to being a mommy and many of them haven shown support for the way I have decided to raise my children, even if it is not the same way they parent their children.

They're helping me realize that the days that I feel like a crummy parent are completely normal. I now know that I am not the only one that second-guesses myself (even though I am working on trusting my own instincts).

And they are also helping me remember the interests that I had before I had children. Joining a book club (even with how in-active I have been lately), mom nights out (or 'in' watching a movie) and taking time to unwind and scrapbook are things that I look forward to all month.

So.. Thanks mommies! You guys are all so amazing and wonderful and you make me feel amazing and wonderful (even when I have puke down my shirt or an explosive diaper smeared all over my leg).

Hello, Reality! It's Been Awhile...

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work on being yourself.
-Anna Quindlen

I want to know why so many women jumped on board the 'June Clever' bandwagon, but skipped over 'Roseanne'? I personally think I can compare myself a lot more to the woman whose house is a mess, doesn't have the tidiest appearance and whose children aren't perfect. However, I (as I'm sure a lot of other mommies) strive for the image of the perfect mommy. Why? Sorry to break it to you ladies, but it is impossible to be Mrs. Clever and still have any energy left over to do what you want and what you feel is necessary to live a happy, balanced life.

No matter how many other mommies I talk to, they all agree with the fact that they're not perfect no matter how much they try to be. So, seriously, why are we trying so hard to be PERFECT. We should be each other's support instead of competition! For most of us, we have healthy, beautiful families and a roof over our heads. Isn't that what is important?

Here are a few promises that I can make to you...

If you invite me over, you can leave your house a mess.. Mine is everyday (except for the quick twenty minute clean up I have before playdates). I will not judge you, if anything... I will feel more comfortable!

I will not judge another mother for missing a playdate/class... We can't do it all and you're an idiot if you think you can.

I may compliment you for looking nice, but I won't judge you if you didn't get to shower that day or even get dressed. I for one sat in my pajamas all day today (they were pretty classy if I may add... capri pants and wool socks and an oversized shirt. No wonder Ben left for Mankato early)

I will give you any encouragement I can for you to make time for yourself! As difficult as it has been to figure out, I'm realizing it can't be ALL about my kids. We will all suffer if I don't get an outlet for my own hobbies and activities!

So, can we please all agree to ditch the perfect mommy persona? It is really making me exhausted and any extra energy I can keep at the moment, I would love to have!

Good night ladies... Momma really needs her sleep!

Step One...

The first step to getting what you want out of life is this...
Decide what you want.
-Ben Stein

My next challenge on the journey to 'mommyhood bliss' is figuring out my priorities and putting them in their place (so to speak).

There are so many things I have been pondering, and after a great deal of thinking there is only one thing I'm sure of (and very happy to report).... Laundry is NOT my highest priority!

I feel like a lot of the priorities I have in mind coincide with each other, but let's see where this topic takes me...

Priority Requiring My Upmost Attention...
Spending Quality Time With My Family
Ben and I have already talked about having days with no distractions... No cell phones, no tv, no computers. As hard as it may be (I may have to sneak onto facebook during nap time), I am very excited to see what things the Kelley family can get themselves into. Obviously this 'test' would be a lot easier in the summer, but where would the challenge in that be? I want this priority to be more than just one day, of course, so I have decided to plan one family outing at least once a month and at least four out-of-town outings a year. Not to mention, giving each other undivided attention in the comfort of our own home.

Spending Quality Time With Ben
He'll be happy to hear this! Not that we're having problems, but it is amazing how two little ones can hinder your adult time and consume your conversations. I am hoping to have at least one date night a month and one night a month where we go out with another couple (I am taking applications for our couple's dates now, you can contact me via email, text, telephone or good ol facebook). You never know.. Kelley Baby Numero Tres may be soon to follow if this is given TOO much priority(sorry for the visual).

Work On My Own Personal Growth/Spiritual Growth
(Refer to previous post)
I am learning that I need to take care of myself before I can take care if my family. I may not get a shower before them, or even eat before them, but damn... I will fulfill my needs too! My New Years resolution was to go to church more often than I did last year, and so far... Not so good. However, I am vowing go change that. (There, public record that I know I need to change). I am personally Catholic but if anyone has any suggestions on a great church, I figure something is better than nothing. In all seriousness though, I am not the Christian who wants to argue over who said what, and what happened when... I just want to find people, like me, who just want to do some good and give my children the opportunity to grow in whatever spiritual direction they chose!

Children's Personal Growth
(Also refer to previous post)
I want my boys to be the best little people they can be (or at least WANT to be at a specific moment). They deserve to be given the tools (and shown how to use them) to help in making this family a well oiled machine.

Indulging My Interests/Passions
There are so many things I have set on the back burner and I think it is about time they are done simmering behind the mac and cheese and endless loads of laundry. I want to plug in my Cricut, pour a glass of wine and enjoy some great company as I document the boy's lives (I'm talking about scrap booking for those who might be confused). I also want to start reading more and hopefully I will be able to continue this blog, no... I WILL continue this blog because it has become a priority! I am woman, hear me roar! (Whoa... I really don't know where that came from. My hormones must still be off balance from birthing Littlest Man)

I am going to bunch these next few together because I think they overlap so much...
Having Fun/Social Support/Self Care
Ok, so I can easily name some wonderful ladies (social support) with whom I would like to pour a glass of wine (have fun) and get a pedicure (self care) with. If you think you are one of these ladies and are interested in helping me to become a better mommy, please call, text or write!

Volunteer Work
I am truly hoping to find a (or a few) cause that I would be willing to dive into. It sounds selfish, but I feel like I have been stretched so thin lately that I could not have handled one more obligation. However, I am working to be a more generous person, so I think I can give up a few hours of my time here and there for those who need support the most.

Now, all I need to do is stick to this. For those of you who know Ben, you might know that he hates having things on the front of refrigerators, but 'Sorry Ben, I might need a daily reminder of the things I need to make time for.' He's on the list though, so he can't be too mad!

Importance of Daily Values...

Obviously I know I can't make my boys grow up to be anything but what they want to be, but there is still some say I have in that matter! I've been thinking about the types of things I admire myself and my close friends and family for. With those values in mind, I have been thinking of ways to instill those values into the boys.

I started by thinking about qualities that I most admire... Honesty, Generosity, Knowledge, Open Mindedness, Passion, Idependence, Self-confidence, Individuality, Trustworthiness, and being Family Oriented. I also thought about why those are so important to me and how I can be a better example for my children by bringing those values into my everyday life more often.

So, my newest goal is to show them... I want to show them that family is the most important thing to me; that THEY are the most important thing to me. I don't have many childhood memories, but most of my fondest memories include my closet friends and family.

I remember cuddling with my mom on the couch as we read books together. What values did that instill in me? The importance if knowledge.

Dinner time at dad's house... Traditions that families should uphold.

Horseshows every weekend... Having a passion and nurturing it.

The list can go on and on...

I have realized that I have been displaying some of these values without even 'thinking' about it. Ben makes fun of me when I ask him to sit at the table every time he eats (even if Parker [and Preston] and I just sit there and watch him eat), but I want our kids to see the dining room table not only as a place where we eat, but also as a place where we come together. Ben also makes fun of me (I guess I am quite funny) when I talk about all of the traditions that mean a lot to me or that I want to start. From the Christmas tree going up the day after Thanksgiving to what the Easter Bunny will be leaving in the Easter baskets, and everything in-between. I just think traditions are so much fun and a great way to come together as a family, as corny as they may be! I have been trying to show Parker how important school is and how much fun he can have while he is there. He is currently in a parent-child class on Wednesdays (which I take him to) and then he and Preston are both in a class on Fridays, which both Ben and I take them to. We all have so much fun together and I hope the passion to learn, create and explore continues in them forever! I try to get home for visits as much as possible so the boys can see their 'Nanas' 'Bapas' 'Aunties' and 'Uncles'. Obviously, I wish we could visit everyone even more, but for now I am doing what I can!

When my kids look back at their childhoods I want them to of course have great memories, but more importantly I want them to remember how important I made them feel, how much fun they had growing up, how important our family was, and the opportunities I gave them to just be themselves.

There is so much that I want to teach them and I am hoping that being a 'constant' in their lives will show them that I love them more than life itself. I don't want them to not know what to expect from me... I want to be their friend, but more importantly I want to be their role model. I want to show them, through example, the importance of believing in yourself, knowing what is most important to you, and having healthy relationships.

I also want to show them how great their lives can be if they find the right partner (yes... My oldest isn't even two and I'm already worried about the types of girls they could marry). I'm not saying that Ben and I are perfect, but we are perfect for each other. I want the boys to see how important it is to hug and kiss and say 'I love you' (even when you don't always want to). The boys need to see how a healthy relationship works so they can make them for themselves, and that goes for more than just a girlfriend or wife. My goal is to have them figure out what values are important to them so they can live as much of a balanced and happy life as possible.

To sum it all up, I want to live a healthier life, with healthier relationships and lifestyles so my boys will see that these things were important enough for me to make changes, so hopefully they will figure their most important values out sooner rather than later...

Why I Do What I Do...

Ok, with all of this complaining, I think I need to do a little clarifying.... I LOVE being a mommy! Obviously there are moments where I want to run, very quickly, back to my bed so I can hide, but for the most part I love my job! Growing up I didn't want to be a doctor, a vet or an architect... I wanted to be a mom. There are so many wonderful things I think mothers provide for their kids, and I always wanted to be able to do that for my own little rug rats! So, the following things are a few of my favorite job descriptions of mommyhood...
Please note: I am going to try to keep this short.. Both boys are asleep and I would like to follow them shortly!

*I just spent half an hour with Parker making silly faces at each other.
*I just cuddled with Preston in a low lit room with relaxing music for half an hour.
*I spend hours making the boys smile and that in return makes me smile.
*The things they learn are because of me.
*When no one else can understand what Parker is saying, I know every word that is coming out of his mouth.
*I know what the true meaning of selfless love is.
*My kisses can heal any wound.
*I have four little eyes and ears watching my every move and that makes me want to be a better person.
*Nine a.m. dance parties in my kitchen are more fun than a night out on the town (and I feel much better the next morning).
*Spit up on my shoulder, snot on my pant leg and stretch marks are worn like badges of honor among my friends.
*Every new milestone is just as exciting for me as it is for them.
*I always have someone to cuddle, kiss, read to, play with, talk to...
*I am helping to shape the people they will someday be.
*They have helped me find some amazing friends that understand me completely and that are always there for me!
*Everything (a bird flying, a train passing by, or even a light switch) is more exciting when we experience it together and I get to see the expression on their faces!
*They remind me that each day flys by and that I need to treasure each moment with them (as hard as that may be sometimes).
*No one can do this job better than me.
*They have this certain superpower that gives them the ability to make me laugh until I cry and cry until I laugh and for some reason that feeling is something I thrive on.

I have so much more to say on this topic, but seriously.. I am already in bed and my pillow is seducing me right now. So, I will leave you with this... As much as my children and husband drive me insane and as much as I hate the fact that I see 'work' to be done around my house everywhere I look, there is no other place I would rather be at this moment. Sure, things aren't perfect, but are they perfect for anyone? If someone answers yes to that.. They're lying! I have been given the greatest gift and I am going to cherish it.. The same way I hope you do.

If you sometimes need a reminder of why you do this and what makes you love it, make a list like I just did and don't be afraid to look back to it when you need to. Heck, don't be ashamed to leave it out in the open so others can see also. You can also make a list of the things that you think you do well. If you're a stay-at-home mom like me, you don't have a boss that can give you compliments on the amazing job you are doing (and who doesn't like to hear that), so don't be afraid to remind yourself of your strenghs. I know I pass out compliments all day ('Wow Parker, you were so good in the store today.' 'I am so proud of the way you shared when you were playing with your friends.' 'You are such a good big brother.') so it is only fair that I get to hear some also!

A Day in the Life...

'Whatever happens in our marriage, don't let me take you for granted. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You have given me two beautiful sons that you raise better than I ever could and you never hold it against me for having to do ss. You are beautiful in every wy and I am so grateful that you chose me to be your husband. I have been thinking a lot about how much you sacrifice having me away so much and I have realized how lucky I am to have a happy and healthy family.'

That was what Ben told me last night. I don't know if it came from after reading my blog or just because, but after hearing it I of course cried and wondered why the hell don't I see that?

He sees me as a martyr and I see myself as anything but. Why don't I see myself that way? I have decided to write down my daily routine the way I usually see it and then the way it could be looked at more positively.. Let's see how this goes!

630/7am: Parker crawls into bed with me, but I am so tired so I turn on the tv so he can sit quietly and I can get a few more minutes of sleep. 'Ahhh... This is such a lazy and selfish way to start the day!'
730/8am: Feed Parker a frozen waffle. 'Why can't I feed him a homemade breakfast?'
8am: Rush to get the boys cleaned up and out the door. 'Why didn't I lay out their clothes yesterday? Why didn't I get up earlier (without the boys) to get ready so at least that would be out of the way.'
9-1130am: Run errands, go to a playdate, or bring Parker to school. 'I MUST go! People will wonder why I'm not there and what do I tell them, 'I was too tired and I didn't want to pack the kids up?' If they could load up their kids, why can't I?'
12pm: 'Holy crap... It's time for lunch! What can I make in ten minutes because this screaming child will not get off my leg?!'
1230/1pm: Send Parker off to play (yeah, right) while I try to clean up after lunch.
130pm: Get Parker to go to the bathroom, brush his teeth, read him books, tuck him in. 'I should be spending more quiet time with him (especially if Preston is sleeping).'
2-4pm: Do a load of laundry. Sit and watch tv, surf the web, close my eyes for five minutes (if Preston isn't feeling too needy). 'I should be cleaning, or at least something productive.'
4-5pm: Try to keep the boys entertained and quiet for a couple of hours. 'I should 'do' something with them. I'm sure they'd like to go for a walk or something. Ahhhh... I feel so lazy, but I am exhausted!'
530pm: 'What? It's time to feed them again? I shoud have made something during nap time so I wouldn't have go deal with another half-assed, horrible for you meal.'
6pm: Clean the kitchen (again) and try to get the boys to be happy and quiet (in the other room). 'How horrible am I? All I want is to be left alone! I bet no other moms feel this way!'
7pm: Plant Parker in front of the tv. 'I can't believe I am letting him watch MORE tv. Other moms would judge me if they knew how much he is allowed to watch. How in the heck do people watch NO television? Does that make me lazy?'
730pm: Get Parker to go to the bathroom, brush his teeth, get his pajamas on and get him into bed so we can read books. 'If I have to read this book one more time, I swear I will burn it while he is asleep!'
8-10pm: The fastest few hours of the day! Put Preston down for bed, pick up the house 'How in the world does this house get so messy?' do a load of laundry and try to get some alone 'down' time.
1030pm: Get myself ready for bed (and usually no shower because I am so tired)
11pm: Try to get Preston back to sleep. Bring him into my bed with me so I can get some sleep 'Even though babies arent supposed to sleep in bed with their parents.'
230am: Feed Preston a bottle (hopefully quickly so I can get back to sleep)
630/7am: Start all over again.


Now, I will give myself a little credit and list my daily routine from a different angle...
630/7am: 'Yes, I am tired because I spent my whole day yesterday giving my children all that I can. Letting Parker watch some television while he cuddles in bed with me won't kill him. Maybe he's like Momma and can use a few minutes to wake up before the big day ahead of him.'
7/730am: Feed the boys breakfast. 'Yes, it's a frozen waffle, but at least I am home to feed it to him.' (I don't mean that statement to be rude to those who put their children in daycare, but I always wanted to be at home with my children and the fact that I have made that a reality is something that deserves a little credit).
9-1130am: Run errands, go to a playdate, or bring Parker to school. 'I take the boys to things out of the house because they are usually fun things for us to do, they enjoy them and are given outlets to explore, create and learn. I know I don't have to go to every single thing that is penciled into my calendar, so finding a compromise is key.'
12pm: Lunch time... 'Just because mac and cheese, a peanut butter sandwich or chicken nuggets are easy to make doesn't mean that I am being lazy. It means that I am providing for my child and... Let's call it... Conserving energy. The meal may be a quick one to make, but I use the time that I saved to sit with them and talk. Even if our conversation consists of me asking him to use his fork or take one more bite, I am sitting here with him, showing him that mealtime and manners are important.'
1230/1pm: 'Parker doesn't always need my attention, but I also don't always need to clean up EVERYTHING after EVERY meal!'
130pm: Get Parker to go to the bathroom, brush his teeth, read him books, tuck him in. 'Reading two books to Parker means just as much as reading five.'
2-4pm: 'If I were working a normal 8am-5pm job I would be given a one hour lunch break with no interruptions, so if I work NON-STOP from 7am-8pm (not to mention being 'on call' from 8pm-7am), should mean that I deserve two hours to do whatever I WANT to do, not what I NEED to do.
4-5pm: 'We have already had a busy and eventful day (usually), so an hour of just enjoying each other isn't too much to ask!'
530pm: 'What? It's time to feed them again (I would still think that)?' However, it is nice to know that I am not the only mommy who feels like she is always in the kitchen. I need to remind myself that it isn't WHAT we eat, but HOW we eat it. Sitting at the table, eating meat, cheese, crackers and fruit is just as important for our relationship as if we were eating a meal that took me hours to prepare.
6pm: 'A lot of moms check out about this time... I am not alone!'
7pm: Parker gets to watch an episode of Backyardigans before bedtime. 'It won't kill him to watch television, he enjoys it (and it's not that annoying for me to listen to). Who cares if other people don't let their kids watch television? I watched tv when I was a kid and I grew up just fine!'
730pm: Get Parker to go to the bathroom, brush his teeth, get his pajamas on and get him into bed so we can read books. 'I am going to miss this someday!' I don't have to read fifty books, but I want him to know that reading is important and what is the best way to show him that? Doing it with him... In time, not too far from now, he will be reading by himself before bedtime and I will be waiting outside his door, yearning to be snuggled in bed with him reading a book from memory.
8-10pm: 'I deserve downtime. The laundry doesn't need to be done and the the house will just get messy again tomorrow. That being said... I can save some energy. I make my home safe and loving for my children. They need that and a rejuvenated mommy more than they need a spotless home with their clothing all put away perfectly!'
1030pm: Get myself ready for bed after another long day.
11pm: Cuddle and bond with my little man!
230am: Spend a little alone time with Preston. Yes, it's not wonderful getting up in the middle of the night, but by doing this I am showing him that I love him and I will always be here for him!
630/7am: Start all over again (by myself four to five days a week)

Disclaimer...

So.. I'm trying this whole 'Be all you can be as a Mommy thing,' but the only way I can really start on my journey to... Hum... Let's call it 'Mommyhood Bliss'.. is to get real. I am enrolling myself in a mommyhood self help boot camp. I want to learn to accept the things that are out of my control and fix the things that I can so I can live a happier and healthier life. The following is my disclaimer on life. As time goes by and I hopefully grow into this whole mommyhood thing, I will try to update this list to the best of my ability. For now, it is a work in progress... A lot like my life!

*I will start with the obvious... I love my children more than life itself. I don't know where I would be without them, I don't know who I'd be without them, and even with all the crap (literally crap) that I put up with in my day to day life I could not imagine one moment without them.
*Another that I hope is obvious.. I am madly in love with my husband. Yes, he often drives me insane and at times I feel like I have three children (under the age of 5, may I add), there is not anyone else that I can think of that I would want by my side through all of this. He is such a hardworking and loving man and he is so amazing well with our children. I truly didn't expect him to be such a wondeful father.
*I feel lucky for the things I have. I am 23! (This may come across as shallow, warning) But, I enjoy having nice things and I am very thankful for the home that I live in, the car that I drive and all the other little things that make my life easier and more enjoyable.
*Family and tradition means the world to me. I want my kids to grow up knowing who they are, where they came from and as corny as it sounds.. I want to have some amazing traditions. I don't just mean Christmas, but anytime I can think of a great way to honor my children and my family, I want to do it.


Sounds perfect right... Well, I said I had to get real, so here's the continued disclaimer of my main shortcomings (from my point of view)...
*My children drive me bonkers! (I don't think I really need to explain myself to other mothers on this topic)
*I feel like I often fail as a mommy, wife and homemaker. Parker LOVES tv and I am worried that I over use that as an outlet for 'Mommy Free Time.' Honestly, it's not like he sits in front if it for hours or anything, but I hear about families that watch 'no tv' and I judge myself on that. My poor husband gets the left over attention that I have. 'You want a kiss? Sorry, I hear the baby crying. I'll be right back.' Poor guy most likely didn't know what he was getting himself into! And on the homemaker note... Don't even get me started! I don't remember the last time I vaccumed and the only reason the house got dusted today was because I showed Parker how to do it.
*I often compare myself to other mommies (see above).

Just Another Monday?

Why is that on the day that your child (who usually gets up by seven) decides to sleep in until almost eight-thirty, and the one that usually sleeps in until eight decides to get up by seven? Children, children.. Can we plan this a little better next time?

At least Parker had a very successful day on the potty! No accidents, dry after nap, and he even stopped playing to tell me that he hd to go! Isn't it crazy that poop in the toilet instead of on the floor can magically make your day go so much smoother?

So, I was sitting there, feeding Preston while Parker was demanding my attention and I told Preston that I can't wait for the day when he can hold his own bottle. As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I wanted to take it back. Sure, holding a bottle isn't always the most fun, but bonding with one of my children is. Parker is at such a fun age and I feel guilty that I think Preston is 'boring' and I am already trying to make him grow up faster than he already is. So, I've decided that I will take any interaction with the little man that I can and I will treasure it! It is only a matter of time before Preston doesn't 'need' his momma and I will be fighting for any snuggle time that I can get.

Thought a day could go perfectly? Ha.. Yeah, when that happens for you, be sure to let me know, so I will know that they exist! So.. Good Momma was trying to be productive while the boys slept. I went to shovel the sidewalk while the boys soundly slept, but instead I came into the house to a screaming infant, a toddler yelling, 'Momma, Baby' while he stands at the gate in his bedroom door, and two dogs pacing, most likely wondering what in the world is going on! I felt so bad! The poor guy was so upset that he was sweating. Luckily, he is just like his brother and a something as simple as a warm bottle and his 'silky blankie' can calm almost anything that mommyhood throws at me!

So, after some much debating, I decided to let Preston sleep with me last night. I know, I know.. I could smother him, he could get too dependent, and all of the other things that pediatricians say.. But you know else could happen... I could get some AMAZING sleep! Awww.. It is insane how sane I feel after a good night of sleep. Grouchy mom? Not me! And guess what, I didn't even smother him! So, after a little pep talk (refer to previous post)... I have realized that I know what is best for my family and I. Yes, I fully understand that in a few weeks when Preston sleeps in his own bed at nighttime (in my defense, he sleeps in his crib for naps) it could very difficult for me to transition him, but I needed to realize that an energized mommy is a happy mommy, and a happy mommy is a happy household. So, for all of you that want to look down at me, or judge me, I want you to have a new baby, a teething toddler and a husband that is out of town four or five nights a week and I'm sure you will also do whatever is in your power to get that extra hour of UNINTERRUPTED sleep. Believe me, it is great!

On a lighter note (everything seems to be lighter today), Parker is talking so much and I could not be more proud. A few new words everyday, and I sm still unsure where he has learned some of them. 'Mouse,' I don't think I have ever said that word in front of him, but today he pointed to Mickey and said it, so I guess someone is teaching him something! Also, potty training is picking up steam again. Flushing isn't the luxury it used to be, so I have tongue level of giving him an M&M every time he has a successful 'visit.' I thought I was going to gouge my eyeballs out for awhile there.. 'For the love child, poop goes in the potty, not on Mommy's brand new carpet!' However, I have made a mental note to remind myself that he isn't even two yet and there are so many things that he is learning each day and so many distractions in his daily life that I shouldn't be surprised if he doesn't make it every time. Heck, I have days where I forget to go to the bathroom until the moment I sit down to give Prestonhis bottle and by that point I could probably pee my pants also. All in all, he is an amazingly smart kid and I need go recognize all of his strengths and acheievements instead of the times he doesnt immediately succeed at things.

So... Thus far today, it has been a great day. Let's see what tomorrow has in store for me!

Thanks... For Lighting the Fire

There are so many people in the world that I envy (shallow, I know), but the things I envied people for just a few years ago seem like nothing compared to the things I envy people over now. Of course, I cant deny money and material items make others' lives seem so much more appealing, but the biggest thing I envy over now it's a cute sweater or cool cell phone... It's the way they raise their children (or appear to at least). I know I do the best I can for my children, or at least I think I do, but then I see some moms who don't lose their cool, have some of the most respectful children I have ever seen, and on top of that, they seem to have all the answers... I know they're drowning in mommyhood just as bad as I am, but I want to thank them. They have lit a fire under my ass that makes me want to be the best damn parent there is. A friend of mine recently shared how much of a 'real' parent she is compared to the facad that I portrayed her in my mind to be, and she thought that we should all share our times where our names could be anywhere but on the nomination for the 'The Mommy of the Year' award, and she's right. Not that I found joy in the fact that she has hard times too, but I found joy in the fact that I'm not alone... Even the most 'put together' mom has times where she feels like everything is stacked against her. However, with that in mind, she finds other, and sometimes better, solutions to the day to day problems that she runs into while raising children, running a house, and still being the wife her husband married years ago.

So, thanks again to you moms who have inspired me to be my children's Super Mom, who isn't afraid to admit that she doesn't have all of the answers...

Welcome, Won't You Stay Awhile?

I just want to warn whoever has stumbled onto to this blog, that it may be best to turn around and... Run! However, if you feel the need to watch a helpless mother stumble, dust herself off and try again.. Maybe you should get comfortable and get ready to take a journey with me. Don't ask where we're going, and don't ask me when we'll get there, just be ready to hopefully get some humor and maybe a little inspiration out of the day to day life of one mom. To be completely honest, I am doing this for my two children and myself. I am hoping that this online 'journal' will someday help to show them how much they mean to me and how exciting, yet terrifying, it has been to raise them.
I may say some things that may offend, humor, and as I said before, hopefully inspire other people or mommies out there, so please bare with me and keep in mind that most of what I say is being said after a long day with little sleep!
Enjoy!