I recently checked back at some of my first posts.. I have mixed feelings about them. I feel like I was so ambitious, but at the same time I am happy to report that I have fulfilled some of my original goals.
The boys deserve, demand and (luckily) have been receiving my upmost attention. Don't get me wrong.. There are still days that I run from room to room trying to hide from them, but for the most part, I find myself really playing with them. Honestly, I feel like I am enjoying it a lot more than I used to also. Maybe they're at different ages that makes it easier or maybe I just am just aware that these precious times will be over all too soon. Either way, it has been so rewarding to find things that we all enjoy doing together. I always have ten different crafts going on at one time, but it is so much fun doing them with the boys and then seeing the joy on Parker's face when we complete something together (and Preston loves to help make any mess possible)!
I think Ben and I are doing a pretty good job making time for each other. I know we can always work on that, and with his new job (which comes with some pretty demanding hours) it can make it a little difficult at times. But lately it seems like we have been able to enjoy each other's company a lot more. Whether it is spending hours talking to each other, or just sitting next to one another while we enjoy our favorite show... His company seems a lot more meaningful lately.
I have always had a desire to create, and until recently I never really knew how to work that into my everyday life. I am sure as our family grows it will get harder and harder to always be able to find time, but I am so proud of myself for making 'me' time a priorority and sticking to it. I am sure there are lots of people reading this right now, thinking, 'What, she stays at home all day.. She has all the 'me' time she could want.' Yes.. I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my boys and make the type of schedules that work for us, but believe me.. It has been a VERY long time where my day revolved around anything other than naptimes, snack times, and diaper changes. Don't get me wrong.. I love it and there is no other job in the world that I would rather do, there is something unbelieveably rewarding about molding the future and personality of a little human being, but it's not all fun and games.
Besides those points I have found myself becoming a lot more proud and accepting of myself. Of course I still have 'Mommy Guilt' where I sometimes wonder, 'Am I messing these kids up?' But then I watch my boys interact with others and I see how amazing of a job I am really doing (Yes.. I am going to toot my own horn right now). Yes.. Parker has his moments where he can be a wild and unruly two year old, but for the most part.. He is an amazing little boy with so much love to give, a huge passion to learn and an overall love of life. And yes.. Preston drives me crazy when he is hanging on my leg, but he is such a happy baby that it is truly unreal sometimes. The kid has no fear and I like to think that is is partly because he knows I will always be there to 'catch' him. Yes, I know that won't always happen and there are times where he will be hurt (in all sorts of ways), but for now it is awesome the bond that him and I have. I will never get these moments back so I am learning to take it all in stride.. The timeouts, the cries, the cuddles and the never ending giggles. It is all amazing and I am so happy that I have been giving myself the time to step back and and admire the hard work that I have put in and the great job I have done.
I know I have a lot more work to go, and this whole mommyhood thing is an ongoing, uphill battle, but right now it really feels like I have a lot of it under control. I know that all can (and probably will) change tomorrow, but like I said.. I am taking it all in stride.